Over 2 decades ago, Time Magazine featured a cover asking, “Why Are Men and Women Different?” The featured subtitle was, “It isn’t just upbringing.  New studies show they are born that way.”

For many of us, our immediate thought was, “Duh” or “Ya think?”  Because we know the Undeniable Truth of Womanhood #7: Biology Affirms What the Bible Teaches. Men and women are different because even though (together) we complete one species, we were two separate creative acts of God.  Adam was created first from the dust of the earth and then, Eve was built from him.  That’s what the Bible teaches.

Why?  Because it was important for redemptive history.

It’s why it took both Adam and Eve’s eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for their eyes to be opened.  In the scope of redemptive history, if Eve hadn’t come from Adam, then Christ’s forgiveness wouldn’t extend to women, too.  I’m ok with Eve being made from Adam since I want to share in the grace of Christ for salvation like all Adam’s descendants do.

Yes, I’m a Creationist.  And I believe the rest of the Bible too.  Women and men are not exactly alike and a woman’s identity, her womanhood, flows from having been built from man.  She’s Adam’s perfect complement.  Together, we make a perfect pair.

I sometimes marvel at the level of coincidence one must acknowledge when adhering to the idea of man’s ORIGIN from evolution alone. 

Women know how hard it is to find a good man even knowing what to look for, in a confined space like earth.  Let’s say you had the whole universe to search for someone who was your suitable reproductive mate among all the primates, especially one to produce offspring.  It’d take even longer.

 It’d be like “Where’s Waldo?” on steroids and without a hat to help you find the guy.

For me, the hardest thing for evolutionists to overlook is the idea of male and female in both the Animal Kingdom and Plant Kingdom.  In this graphic (below) just imagine how miraculous it is that each of these life forms have male and female.  Did they start male and female, evolving lions and peacocks (for example) from both sex branches?  There is no third sex, fourth sex, or undeclared in the bunch.  Why would evolution settle in on only two sexes for reproduction?  To me, this is the biggest stumbling block evolutionists must answer before I would even think of questioning the simplest solution: God made them that way.  Biology affirms this.

Research:

Genesis 1:20 And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky.” 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning– the fifth day. 24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (italics added)

Reflect:

• When God created Adam and Eve, He made them to be image bearers and to rule.  When He blessed them, He said, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over.”  (Genesis 1:27-28)  In the rest of the Animal Kingdom, does the male or female hunt and gather, or do both do it?
• What about humanity causes us to desire to rule over each other?
• How does biology affirm what the Bible teaches about “each according to their kinds” ?
• How does biology affirm what the Bible teaches about men and women with respect to the rest of the created order (environment)?
• In creating male and female, in what ways did God divide up the responsibilities for reproductive seasons?  Which one bears the offspring?  In which one does fertilization occur, even in the Plant Kingdom?  In the Animal Kingdom, which one sits on the nest, creates the den, lays the eggs, or births and nurses the offspring?
• For those females not in reproductive seasons, such as celibate singles, girls, and women past child-bearing years, what parts of the blessing ought women to use in bearing God’s image?

Respond:

Are you a man?  In Genesis 3:20 we read, “Now the man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all the living.”  Adam named his wife after the fall of man and before she was pregnant with Cain, their firstborn.  In households of husbands and wives, it is perfectly appropriate for men to assume a greater share of the “rule and subdue” part of God’s blessing of the one-flesh-team while the mother of children focuses on the “be fruitful and multiply” part.  What might this indicate about God’s view of single motherhood, “baby mamas,” and the rise in America of the disappearing father?  How ought this change your behavior toward women?  How might biology affirm that families need fathers, too, in order to have children who bear God’s image to the fullest human extent possible?  How does an engaged father on earth prepare our hearts for seeing our Father in heaven?  If you need to change something, now’s the time.

Are you a woman?  Bearing offspring is a blessing not a curse.  Therefore, it’s perfectly appropriate for women to embrace their season as mothers, as singles, and as post-childbearing women.  It doesn’t mean “use it or lose it” when it comes to the ruling and subduing part of the blessing.  See your life as a series of seasons in which you multiply God’s image in different ways.

Are you a pastor?  Teach men to be men and to accept responsibility for their offspring.  Allow women to be women in all those varying seasons which our reproductive years present.  Herding women into the nursery or the women’s ministry for praying for husbands is not helpful to women who have neither children nor a husband.  See them as full image bearers of God, armed with the Word to be fruitful in other ways, to multiply God’s image through teaching, preaching, and evangelism… and encourage them to be fully functioning ministers of God in the Church and in their workplaces.  God never withdrew the blessing from women and we should not either.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood, #6 is top of mind for women in their child-bearing years:

All women make choices of no return.”

Women of child-bearing years face a fork in the road of womanhood where there is no going back.   

One can neither retreat back to the fork nor take both paths simultaneously and see where they end up before making a decision.  There is seldom a sign saying, “Wrong Way.”

It is indeed a test of faith.

This is not to say the choices form regrets or that they will even be regrets in the future, only that these choice cannot be undone or redone another way from the starting line.

From the moment a woman becomes pregnant, her life is changed.  Forever.  That life change exhibits itself in a domino effect of changes that last a lifetime and beyond because once a mother, always a mother.

There are few things in my life that have so dramatically changed me…in ways apart from my own will…to be changed.  My being born and my decision to follow Christ are the only two comparable events I can think of.  Born and born again.  They’re the only two that impact men in a similar fashion to how being pregnant changes a woman’s life.

Suddenly, a woman faces decisions such as whether to pursue a career outside the home, knowing it means leaving her children in someone else’s care, or to devote her time to work as mother inside the home, piecing together options to make everything work.  Women wrestle to find ways to do it all.

Why do women experience this but men do not? 

Part of it is cultural to be sure, but part of it, I believe, goes back to the way men and women were created.  We both received the blessings of God in the Garden of Eden, but outside of Eden, they pull women differently than men.  For Eve, being fruitful (fertile) and multiplying involved different outcomes than it did for Adam.  Only women bear children.  Yet the blessing of ruling, subduing, etc., still tug at a woman’s desire to be a full image bearer.

Therefore, women face decisions that men do not because we are tied to our children in a totally different way.  Those decisions may sound simple enough–especially to men who father but do not bear children–but frankly, these decisions are agonizing ones for women.

• All the temptations are there to avoid feeling vulnerable, knowing you’re at the mercy of someone else to provide for you, to trust that love will be enough not to leave you in the cold.  Culture says others can’t be trusted.  Look out for #1, especially when #1 is both mother and child.  To sacrifice self-reliance is tough.
• Temptations are there to put yourself ahead of the others in your family for the sake of your own personal happiness.  Mothering can be a thankless job, and often is.  To sacrifice personal fulfillment is hard.
• All the guilt arises from every corner–even if never stated–making many of us feel like we’re not contributing somehow either financially or sufficiently in our child’s childhood.  To sacrifice esteem and affirmation from others hurts.
• One’s mothering skills are under a microscope and “how the children turn out” seems to be more a function of mothering than fathering, though science says it’s both.  To sacrifice with society’s blame turned upon oneself as accountability for another human being is hard, especially when one is acutely aware of what one gave up to be a mother.
• In addition to that, many of us remember what it’s like not to be tied to a child.  We find ourselves secretly longing for our pre-pregnancy days when our lives were as simple as men’s, and our bodies didn’t look like Mom.  To sacrifice simplicity and appearance is brought to mind daily and all it takes is a mirror and a memory.

The concept of sacrifice calls out to us from behind every tree, under every rock, and from every corner of our lives…and if it isn’t painful, is it truly a sacrifice?

Sacrifice, it is so often accompanied by pain!  But do we want the pain?  Sometimes necessity requires a woman to make choices she doesn’t really want to make.  Sometimes her personality is at conflict with the choice she’d prefer.

One of the hardest things for me was the decision to stay at home with my kids while they were young.  I took one path and it led places I wouldn’t have anticipated.   Each time a fork presented itself and I thought that finally, I would be back on my way to Careersville, some major event or crisis occurred and I was back to putting others first, if I could, because that’s what I was taught that moms do.

Sacrifice is part of making choices of no return.  It won’t look the same for every woman, but it will be sacrifice nonetheless.   It is this truth that prompted my short series of thinking aloud about the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood.  I became aware that things are not that different for my daughter now than when I was her age and had children.

Research the idea of sacrifice:

2 Samuel 24:15-25, particularly verse 24 But the king [David] replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”

1 John 4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Romans 12:1 I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. 3 For through the grace given to me I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.

Philippians 2:1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Reflect:

• How does sacrifice honor God?
• How are love and sacrifice connected?
• How might the connection between love and sacrifice encourage you when called to sacrifice your needs, desires, and dreams for someone else?
• Will all sacrifice look alike or will each person’s sacrifice look different?
• Once an animal is sacrificed, in the Old Testament days, was that animal able to come back from the dead?  In what way did sacrifice teach important lessons about sin, responsibility, and love?

Respond:

Are you a man?  How might you respond to the notion of the sacrifices women make in your life?  How might you encourage the women who have sacrificed to make your path easier?  Find ways to thank your mother, your sisters, your neighbors, your friends, your wife, or your daughters for the sacrifices you see them making for the good of others.

Are you a woman?  Perhaps the greatest reassurance is that you’re not alone.  Remind yourself that even if the decisions are permanent, they can be blessed as well.  Sometimes the decision’s consequences last for a season and can be modified to accommodate different life stages.  The decision isn’t retracted but it grows as the egg and the chrysalis seasons pass, and you emerge as a butterfly with all the winged freedom you remember.  Even if you have no children of your own, you can find ways of thanking the women in your life who encouraged you during the years of sacrifice we all make.

Are you a pastor?  Teach about sacrifice and its connection to love.  You’ll encourage men and women to look outside of themselves and the world will be a better place for it.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I don’t want to think this, but perhaps I’m the only woman in the world who really doesn’t like Proverbs 31 because it has been the #2 most misused and #1 guilt-tripping passage about women in the Bible.

It’s been used as defining some sort of religious superwoman before there were superwomen.  Until the feminist movement tried to convince us we could all be superwomen who bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let our husband forget he’s a man like the 1980s Enjoli ad says.  The “24 hour woman” who does it all and apparently needs no sleep.  Oh, and in her spare time after working her tail off, raises perfect children who play soccer and a dozen other sports, are prodigies of music and art, and after being National Merit Scholars become Nobel Peace Prize winners.  What a crock!

Of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

Undeniable Truth #5 is ‘Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.'”

In a recent Chicago Tribune perspective, Tina Rodia writes, “Not a day goes by when I’m not reading another headline arguing that women can have it all, or more accurately, why they can’t.”  And the column explores “how the idea of ‘having it all’ makes women feel terrible about themselves.”  Rodia explains how women cannot be so narrowly defined as professional mothers, career women.  Thank you, modern feminism, for narrowly defining womanhood as super- womanhood for the rest of us.

Feminism didn’t invent superwomen, it just secularized the concept.  It took theologians pointing to Proverbs 31 to initiate that movement and define superwomen as super-duper in the home.  Never mind that this is an epilogue to the book of Proverbs, basically putting flesh on (personifying and applying) wisdom that is exalted in the prologue and throughout the rest of the book.

Compare Proverbs 3:13-18 with Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, 14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. 15 She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. 16 Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. 17 Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. 18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

Proverbs 31:1 10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

See what I mean? 

Unfortunately this has become the yardstick by which theological men measure women. 

If women don’t like women’s ministry or hanging out in the nursery doting on children, we’re a problem, not a solution to other problems. 

Is a wife like what we see in Proverbs 31 a good thing?  Sure!

But it’s not an excuse for men to expect their wives to be perfect superwomen unless those men are respected at the city gate as moral, upstanding, wealth-producing, and intellectual supermen who remember to praise such a wife publicly for her fear of the Lord and using what God gave her to use for the benefit of others.

Men cannot do it all.  Women cannot do it all. 

It’s why we’re better together and we’re all better off dealing in reality where no man is superman, women are not superwomen, but gaining wisdom as fear of the Lord is good for all of us.

Research:  Read back over Proverbs 31 and identify traits of wisdom contained there, personified in the wife of noble character, traits which apply to men and women alike.

Job 28:12 “But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? 13 Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living. 14 The deep says, ‘It is not in me’; the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’ 15 It cannot be bought with the finest gold, nor can its price be weighed in silver. 16 It cannot be bought with the gold of Ophir, with precious onyx or sapphires. 17 Neither gold nor crystal can compare with it, nor can it be had for jewels of gold. 18 Coral and jasper are not worthy of mention; the price of wisdom is beyond rubies. 19 The topaz of Cush cannot compare with it; it cannot be bought with pure gold. 20 “Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell? 21 It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds of the air. 22 Destruction and Death say, ‘Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.’ 23 God understands the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells, 24 for he views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens. 25 When he established the force of the wind and measured out the waters, 26 when he made a decree for the rain and a path for the thunderstorm, 27 then he looked at wisdom and appraised it; he confirmed it and tested it. 28 And he said to man, ‘The fear of the Lord– that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'”

Reflect:

• How has modern feminism been “bought into” by both men and women, transforming a woman’s having it all into a woman’s attempt at doing it all?
• How is this a recipe for sleep deprivation, loss of self-worth in womanhood, and depression?
• How does doing it all differ from slavery?
• If “fear of the Lord is wisdom,” what is the number 1 thing a woman should do in order to be the wife or woman of noble character?

Respond:

Are you a man?  Encourage the women in your life that they don’t have to do it all or be it all.  You love them because of who they are and not because of what they do.  Recognize the good things they do and praise them, whether that woman is your mother, your sister, your wife, or your daughter, etc.. They need your encouragement because culture dispirits women in many ways. Do your best not to find fault with their shortcomings as there’s probably a log in your eye somewhere.  Work hard.  Show grace.  And above all, Love since Love covers over a multitude of other stuff, including sin.

Are you a woman?  Let go of what is not real.  The feminist movement appeals to the inner perfectionist present in many women.  Perfection is not possible this side of heaven or apart from Christ.  Superwomen and Wonderwomen don’t exist except in the comics…ones written by men.  Embrace the freedom of reality.  You can strive for excellence in many areas, but you need not be it all to all people, or do it all, all the time.  You are not the Messiah.  You are not perfect.  But you can be wise by getting to know the One who is.  Get to know Jesus and His grace.  Do what God created you to do and trust Him with the rest.

Are you a pastor?  You can really help out the women in your flock by not expecting them to be perfect.  By encouraging them and praising them for what a benefit they are to your congregation, like Paul did at the end of Romans, whether in women’s ministry, children’s ministry or as teachers equipped by God for a broader base.  In your reaction to modern feminism, neither embrace the big lie of feminism nor deny the truth that God intends for women to serve Him too.  By way of reaction, restricting women (beyond the point God might) brings no glory to Him.  Dig deep into your feelings about working with women, imagine them as your biological sisters, and dig deep into the Scriptures and ask yourself if you can contend for the Gospel with women alongside you…just like Paul did.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Undeniable Truth #4 of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is

“Once a mother, Always a mother.”

This is very much a double-edged truth.  It is both beautiful and poignant. And it’s a truth no one can prepare the mother for …before she becomes a mother and knows it by experience.

First the poignant and sadder side:  The truth that “Once a mother, Always a mother” is a strange reassurance for some of us.  We hope to see our children in heaven and trust that they will know we were family on earth.  However, it doesn’t make the pain go away for those of us who have outlived our children.  Women who have miscarried or endured the sadness surrounding stillbirth, women whose children have been afflicted with illness that robs them of life way too young, women whose children were killed at war, and women who have endured prodigal children who break our hearts, we know that truth of “Once a mother, Always a mother” … by the void … left behind.  We will always be mothers even if our children are no longer here.   I’d like to believe we have a special place in the heart of God for the unique kind of suffering this presents.  After all, He knows it by Adam’s rebellion/sin and by the crucifixion of God’s Son Jesus (at the age of 33) to make reconciliation with rebellious Adam even possible.

Jesus’ own mother Mary knew what it was like to have her son Jesus die.  Yet the Bible says she found favor with God and also this:

For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.”  (Luke 1:48)

From this time on.  Wow.  How many people would consider Mary’s watching her son Jesus be crucified as blessing?

It sure doesn’t feel anything like blessing to those of us who have endured this side of “Once a mother, Always a mother.”  Our bodies have experienced chemical changes, maybe even our physical shapes remain changed long after giving birth.  We hear things differently, any baby’s cry is simultaneously alerting us to a child’s needs but also reminding us that a cry equals life (even if the sadness our life experiences have included no cry or an agonizing cry of a child in pain, the tears signaling a premature end to our child’s life).

“Once a mother, Always a mother” can be profoundly positive too!

For some of us, in the positive sense, “Once a mother, Always a mother” means that even into adulthood, our kids still call us to ask advice, or to help wrestle through problems (and not just ones involving math and homework assignments).  It’s reassuring, in a sense, to know our kids still want to talk to us or value our listening ear and counsel.  Inculcating beliefs is part of a mother’s role when we take seriously “Once a mother, Always a mother” and to know our kids care what we think is a very good thing!   That’s how it was in the life of Timothy, as the Apostle Paul records:

For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5)

Then there’s the issue of responsibility in “Once a mother, Always a mother.”

We worry about our children and care what happens to them, long after they leave the nest.  Whether this essay today is bordering on mere fact and admission or repentance and confession, sometimes motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We experience conflicted feelings as this Huffington Post article discusses.   I look at my own two living children and see them as adults in their own right.  I am now a grandmother, too, and praise God for a healthy grandson.  But motherhood hasn’t been rainbows and unicorns all the time.  There have been times I’ve been my best version of myself well on my way to “Mother of the Year.”  But truth be told, there have been many, many times I know I have not come close to a nomination, holding the motherhood football and ending up sacked past the 50 yard line toward the other end of the spectrum maybe labeled “Mother from Hell.”

 Once a mother, Always a mother” emphasizes the fact that there are no do-overs.  Ever.  When it comes to children.

Every day that goes by is a day I will not get back to try to be a better mom.  The mother I’ve been is the mother my children will always know, one who has been full of flaws and best-efforts-gone-awry.  Hopefully plenty of good memories of love, too.  No amount of good grandmothering as a sadder but wiser Christian now erases my performance of motherhood or atones for my non-Christian years or my unchristian behavior at times.

I wish I’d known Jesus before I knew motherhood.  And that’s the truth.

Research:

Matthew 12:46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Mark 3:20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” 22 And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, “He is possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” 23 So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: “How can Satan drive out Satan? 24 If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man. Then he can rob his house. 28 I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. 29 But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.” 30 He said this because they were saying, “He has an evil spirit.” 31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” 33 “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. 34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!

John 2:1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 4 “Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.

John 19: 25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. 28 Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

 Reflect:

• Was Jesus being rude to His mother by saying His disciples were His mother?  What was Jesus’ point?
• Was Mary wrong to have involved Jesus in the wine shortage?  Why did Jesus go ahead and instruct the servants?
• Was Jesus wrong to have sent His mother Mary along with John instead of insisting upon her returning to Mary’s other children with Joseph?  What made John more suitable?
• What does it mean to  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)?

Respond:

If you’re a mother, praise God for your children and consider them a blessing.  Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD; The fruit of the womb is a reward.”  Treat every day with them as a special gift and do your best to model love and faith.  Know there is grace for the times we all fail.  God loves us as His children and loves all His children more than we ever could.

If your mother is still living, thank God for her.  Be reconciled to her if estrangement has existed between you and her.  Let her know you value the relationship.  Maybe today.  Don’t wait for the obligatory Mother’s Day expectation.

If your mother is no longer alive on earth, consider the heavenly hope that, for those of us who know Jesus as Lord and Savior, we will see our loved ones in heaven.  I believe we will be aware of our relationships from earth even if we will be recast as brothers and sisters.

If you’ve never been a mother in a biological sense and that is a source of sadness for you, consider that Paul was a “father” to Timothy who was his true son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2) and he could also say in 1 Corinthians 4:15 “For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.” Your children can be those you lead to faith in Christ.  You can be a mother to them.

If you’re a pastor, consider doing your part not to reinforce the expectations of perfection or of motherhood.  Be aware that Mother’s Day is among the most painful days of the year for many women.  As a Hallmark holiday, we can focus on sonhood and daughterhood and honor all mothers in that way.  While motherhood has the potential for division and pain, the command “Honor your father and mother” is definitely biblical and grows us all in God-honoring ways.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I’d like to proclaim freedom for women who have no children.  Freedom from judgment.  Freedom from guilt.  Freedom from feelings of inferiority and feelings of being “less than” simply because one is not a mother.

Freedom from sadness is one I’d like to proclaim too, but in truth I know how deeply this issue touches women at their very core.  One of the most painful things for many women has been the unfortunate and insensitive conflating of womanhood with motherhood.  We’ll cover motherhood later as a social good, but it’s important that we do not reduce a woman’s role in this world to simply any baby’s incubator.

That’s how I arrived at #3 in the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.

For women whose life experiences include death of the unborn, infertility, or being unmarried and without children, the whole ticking biological clock idea in order for one to be a good Christian woman is among the most hurtful concepts out there.  It’s time we dispensed with that ill-gotten notion, one that is actually a very negative by-product of a very good idea: that women and men are not alike and we have complementary roles.  Men cannot birth children.  And that’s a fact of biology.

That said, God created women to be fully complete individuals before He ever gave the first pregnancy.  Interestingly and importantly, the order is Creation, Blessing, Fall, Punishment, and then conception. 

In the Bible, conception never occurred in the perfect world before sin (which poses really interesting theological hypotheticals, what ifs, and propositions all by itself).  Pregnancy happened for the first time after being banished from Eden.

Genesis 4:1 Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”

Frankly, Cain didn’t turn out so well.

Genesis 4:25 Adam lay with his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth, saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.” 26 Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh. At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD.  Genesis 5:1 This is the written account of Adam’s line. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. 2 He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them “man.” 3 When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. (italics added)

It took 130 years for Adam to have a son in his own likeness, not in perfection’s likeness.

So what did Eve do during the 130 years of time between creation and Seth?

I don’t think it’s a stretch or unbiblical to suggest that as Adam’s suitable helper, she was likely doing the same things Adam was doing, things that were in the blessing God gave to His equal image bearers:  Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Eve was a complete woman long before she was a mom.  She was ruling and subduing alongside Adam before she was increasing in number and filling the earth.  Complete womanhood involves filling the earth with God’s image by her increasing display of God’s image over time and by spreading God’s wisdom over His creation by virtue of time spent serving God as well!  This is something women can do whether they are married or unmarried, and mothers or not.

This is an image of completeness and filling.  Complete womanhood!  It could not be clearer that fertility produces a different level of increase and more potential for completeness, not the only way.  Yes, fertile motherhood fills the earth numerically but here’s the key:

for mankind to fill the earth with God’s image still requires men and women to operate in the other areas of blessing, those of leadership and stewardship…because fertility only changes numbers, not hearts.

Research:

Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful [plural] and increase [plural]  in number; fill [plural] the earth and subdue [plural] it. Rule [plural] over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Italics and [plural] notations added)

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3: 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you [masculine singular] ?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 11 And he said, “Who told you [masculine singular] that you [masculine singular] were naked? Have you [masculine singular] eaten from the tree that I commanded you [masculine singular] not to eat from?” 12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me– she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” 14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” 16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.”

Reflect:

• What difference does it make that the ruling and subduing involved in the blessing of Genesis 1:26-28 was both together (them) and individual (male and female)?
• Prior to the fall of man, one flesh-togetherness characterized man and woman in Creation.  Eve was created as a suitable helper, not as a wife or mother.  In heaven, women will not be wives or mothers.  We will be sisters working together with our brothers as a team.  How does the idea of male and female as children of God form a more accurate pattern for eternity?
• As Eve could not be 2 women at once, God gave her the role of wife and mother in order to fulfill the blessing of fertility and increase.  Scripture says, Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  Which father and mother were Adam leaving?  Or is this an explanation for later marriages offered by the narrator?
• In the plan and scope of Creation, why was it necessary that some female of each species experience fertility?  How does this relate to the blessing of increase?
• After the fall, how did God punish both Adam and Eve?  Infertility is a consequence of the fall experienced by both men and women.  If fertility was the blessing for perfect image bearers, how is infertility a reality of brokenness?  Why does our culture put so much the sadness of infertility on women? No one knows exactly what “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children” means.  Emotional pain? Physical pain?  Probably yes, both.  But infertility, too, because the blessing was subjected to brokenness, it was never withdrawn.  We grieve the loss of the perfect blessing.
• In what ways does the Church’s insistence on–and elevation of–marriage and motherhood as the only suitable roles for women heap sadness upon women who have already experienced their share when single manhood and infertile men still have value to the Church apart from children?  How does this communicate that women are not equal image bearers?
• In the flow of redemption, why was it necessary that Eve did not birth children before the fall of man?  What would have happened to a child (born or unborn) in terms of punishment if only Adam and Eve ate?

Respond:

• If you’re a man, take another prayerful look at your theology and ask yourself if you hold married/mothers and unmarried or infertile women to a totally different yardstick than married/fathers and unmarried/infertile men.  Is a man just as much of a man to you if he’s single without children?  Is he a threat in your ministry?  If you’re using different yardsticks, prayerfully consider what the “Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven” would look like among brothers and sisters.  If there is no marriage in heaven, ask yourself whether marriage is the model or if siblings in the family of our heavenly Father would provide a better pattern.
• If you’re a woman, be encouraged that you can be a fellow worker in the Lord, like the ones Paul commended in Romans 16:1-16 –women who contended for the Gospel along with Paul.  Importantly with women like Phoebe whom Paul sends with the masterpiece of Paul’s clearest theology of salvation.  She was a sister, a servant, a missionary, and a leader doing her role in filling the earth with God’s image.  There is no word or indication of her marital or reproductive status.
• And if you’re a pastor, find ways to encourage women to be Phoebes in your ministry without sending them to the Women’s Ministry book club, Women’s Bible study, Beth Moore conference, or the nursery.  Some of us aren’t made that way and we bring glory to Christ in the same ruling and subduing function Eve had long before motherhood.  God never removed the blessing from women, or changed His view of complete womanhood, even if He did establish a undeniable structure for marital harmony.  God didn’t remove His blessing from men and He didn’t remove it from women.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

As we continue looking at the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood, we come to the second one: No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood. No man knows.

I’m rather sick of John Piper’s view of womanhood.  There.  I said it.

Men who profess to tell women what womanhood is aren’t telling you the total truth.  Because they don’t know what it really is, by experience.  By analogy, a person who has read the whole Bible and can recite it from memory isn’t a Christian unless he has the personal experience of Christ.  Knowing is a word of intimacy and experience, not just book knowledge.  Womanhood, like Christian, is a word of BE-ing, a word of experience.

John Piper and Wayne Grudem (two renowned examples for those of you who have been spared these theological men who tell theological women what they can do) have written many good things and I have enjoyed their perspectives on all kinds of theological points.  I own their books.  I like their theology overall, but both have done a great disservice to God’s maidservants by speaking theory as if it’s reality.  They assert dogma instead of leaving the interpretation with God in One-on-one ministry to Christian women who have the Holy Spirit, just as Christian men do.

The idea that Christian women cannot be theologically trained to read the Bible accurately, to hear the Shepherd’s voice clearly, and to respond to the Holy Spirit in total obedience by doing what Drs. Piper and Grudem personally disapprove of is silly. It doesn’t make Christian women wrong or sinful.

One of my favorite scenes from The Return of the King, the final of the original trilogy of The Lord of the Rings has a scene lots of women like.  I’m not really into orcs and battles, but when Éowyn, a noblewoman/shield-maiden of Rohan (who sneaks into the battle by disguise) slices off the head of the Nazgûl which was ready to feed on her uncle’s flesh while he still lives, we all cheer her heroic actions.

Then Éowyn’s dialogue continues with the Witch King of Angmar as King Théoden, Éowyn’s uncle, lies dying:

• The Witch King of Angmar:   Pathetic warrior!
• Éowyn of Rohan:   I will kill you if you touch him!
• The Witch King of Angmar:   Kill me! Thou fool! No living man can slay me!
• Éowyn of Rohan:   I am no man! You look upon a woman!
•  [stabs him]

Yeah.  We all like that part.  It doesn’t make it any less courageous or less laudable because it was Éowyn who tried to preserve her uncle’s life instead of some man who was less pathetic-looking as a warrior in the eyes of the enemy.

Women who follow Christ will follow Him wherever He goes.  Even into places where women aren’t particularly welcome.  They do battle against the enemy (the devil) because they love the Father and they love Jesus.  Ironically, in all three persons of Triune perfection, God has fewer difficulties with women following the Great Commission as leaders and teachers than some of Jesus’ male followers historically have.  Jesus had no problem with women serving Him in varying ways, even in ways frowned on by His disciples.

It’s because Jesus alone is the Son of God.  And being God, Jesus is the only Man who had the mind of God even while He was male in His humanity.

The mind of God is what Drs. Piper and Grudem do not have.  By reading the Word and importantly having the Holy Spirit’s presence, they can have the mind of Christ for their lives, but they cannot know what God’s plan is for me or any other woman.  I hardly know myself since I don’t have the mind of God either.  It requires constant checking with the Holy Spirit and lots of Bible reading and prayer to even have the mind of Christ.

Yes, all our actions must be held to the standard of Scripture and in areas where things are open to interpretation, it’s best to leave that interpretation to God.  Of course men can teach what the Bible’s words are and even try to interpret based upon precedent and context.  But those are poor substitutes for the full mind of God, especially where someone else is concerned.  And just as no man can tell me what God is saying to me through His Holy Spirit, I’m in no place to tell them what God is saying to them.  Each of us must run our own race.  Each of us will be held accountable by God for the Truth and what we did with it.

Research: Research the connection between the Word, spiritual discernment, obedience, and love.

• Deuteronomy 13:4
• Matthew 7:18-27
• John 14:15-26
• John 21:17-23
• 1 Corinthians 2:3-16

Reflect:

• What is the difference between knowing the thoughts of God and having the mind of Christ?
• Is anyone able to discern another person’s calling?
• How does the Holy Spirit instruct the believer?  Does it differ male to female?
• What personality traits and human behaviors might cause any individual to claim to know how the Bible applies specifically to another person because she is female?
• What kind of personality traits and human behaviors cause people to steadfastly claim they are right about someone else’s calling and to chronically deny any possibility of being mistaken?
• To what degree have men and women been influenced by cultural factors such as feminism?
• How does the Church remain pure in the face of cultural influences?
• Will a woman’s disobedience to God be any less offensive to Him because any regular male (Christian or otherwise) told and taught a woman not to do it?

Respond: 

• If you’re a man reading this, pray about where the line exists between spiritual judgments and their application to others, between the words of Scripture and their interpretation, and between obedience, civil disobedience, and sin.  Ask God to reveal His view of the Church and Kingdom growth and how men and women interact as children of the same family of God.
• If you’re a woman reading this, pray about whether your view is based upon the Spirit of God, all His wisdom, and careful instruction in the Word of God… or whether your desires flow–even a bit–out of a feminist’s cheerleading of women and women’s causes.
• Pray to know God’s calling for your life.  Read the Bible and pray without ceasing.  Confess any sins and prejudices, any greed or jealousy, any ungodly desires for power or audience, any ways in which you seek the approval of humans, and any things you do in order to avoid conflict even though it sacrifices the Church’s purity, power, and growth.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

This might seem like a no-brainer, but Christian men can still be real men without marriage.  They also can be true Christians.  In fact, in some areas of Christianity, one is considered a better Christian man if one is a celibate single man.  Like the Pope or priests.

If a man can be complete and Christian without some woman as his wife, why cannot a single woman be complete and Christian, too?

Nuns aren’t nuns because they couldn’t get a man, as if there’s a pun waiting to happen on the word none.  Nuns aren’t nuns so they can run away from their problems like Fraulein Maria in The Sound of Music.  Nuns become nuns because they adore Christ.  He is their perfect man, so to speak.

So the first of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is: A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.

OK, where’s that in the Bible, you might ask?

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Women bear the image of God.  At Creation, Eve bore it perfectly because that’s how God made her.  She was a complete woman, even before consummation of a marriage with Adam because she, like he, was created perfect.  Yes, they were perfect for each other, but more than that, they were perfect, period.  Sure, sin marred that image and it was no longer perfect, but in Christ we are forgiven and healed.

In Christ, women bear God’s image in a complete sense (fullness) awaiting final perfection (in heaven).

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ…2:6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. 9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

Christian women, living by faith in Christ, have been given fullness (i.e. completion) in Him. 

Are single women apart from Christ complete? 

I’d argue “No.”  Just as single men apart from Christ fail the completion test of being forgiven.  Without faith, not one of us is complete and none of the unforgiven are being made perfect.

Furthermore, I’d posit that one of the reasons why single women of the world have been troubled throughout the ages is that culture has made them to feel inferior.  This is not God’s doing.

Women who remained unmarried were historically dependent upon others financially whether on the graces of their parents or sent out to fend for themselves as the chronic poor, as beggars or prostitutes, or as those dependent upon the Church (which became a refuge for widows and orphans).  Dependence is humbling and implies a degree of being incomplete, imperfect, and wanting.  By definition, one who is dependent is not in control of one’s own destiny.

Men who had property ownership rights and inheritance privileges were in a position to feel independent, whereas in much of the Ancient Near East and in Western countries, women could not even earn their own livelihood in socially acceptable ways.  All of this is a bit of an illusion since we are all dependent upon God, in reality, and we are not “like God” with total independence and open eyes like the serpent said.

Genesis 3:4 “You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Independence from God is the source of many of our problems.

Therefore the urge to marry was biological in one sense and yet it became a socially acceptable alternative to being complete in Christ.  If a husband could provide, why depend on God?  Women looked to men to satisfy what only Christ can.

Dependence upon a Being one cannot see (God) is harder than dependence upon a being one can monitor (a husband).  And yet completion is not possible…with a man… the way it is from Christ.

Completion cannot be achieved through marriage, only through Christ.

Research:  Take some time to ponder the idea of Christ as the Church’s bridegroom with the idea of completion and perfection (using the Scriptures below).

• Isaiah 54:5
• Jeremiah 31:31-34
• Matthew 9:15
• Matthew 25:1-13
• John 3:27-36
• Revelation 19:6-8
• Revelation 21:9-14

The Apostle Paul writes:  1 Corinthians 7:8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 

Reflect:  If you’re single, ask yourself about desire for a husband and why.  If you’re married, ask yourself about where your trust is grounded, in your husband or in God.  Ask yourselves about whether you believe a Christian woman can be complete even if she is not married.

Respond:  If you’re a single or divorced woman, find your completion in being forgiven by Christ.  Pray and acknowledge your perfectly good desire for human companionship yet your wholehearted devotion to the perfect Man Jesus whether God ever brings an earthly “Mr. Right” into or back into your life.  Trust that God does love you–more than you realize now–and He knows how this all fits in His plan.  Bring your sadness to Him and ask Him to redeem it.  He is faithful.  Ask God for ways you can let your singleness be a powerful ministry tool for reaching others who need to find completion in Christ alone.  Maybe even pray that God will grow a sense of thankfulness in the places where you’re presently saddest.

If you’re a married woman, do a double check about who you’re trusting.  Pray and give thanks for the husband God has given you, whether your marriage feels like it’s rockin’ or on the rocks.  Pray for your husband and if he is presently in the unforgiven category, ask God to use your good behavior to help your helpmate to lay down the burden of total independence and to trust in Him.  It’s hard for men to view themselves apart from their problem-solving nature.  Depending on God is hard for them.  They need your prayers.

If you’re a pastor, revisit your church’s ministries.  Do they provide the kind of teachings that welcome singles, divorced, as well as married people with or without children?  What kind of affirmation can you give to all, teaching that completion in Christ is not restricted to the married with children?  If your ministries are family-focused, pray and ask God for ways you can hold onto the good without creating an environment of sadness for those who are missing that family component.  How might your messages teach that our views of identity need not be shaped so much by the shifting sands of culture as by the solid rock of God’s Word?

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I may be Seminary Gal, but I should start today’s offering with a bit of a disclaimer: I’m not a women’s pastor or even a person who particularly likes talking about so-called women’s issues.  I don’t do women’s ministry as my primary vocation because I don’t fit the mold.  I’m not fond of pink and I don’t decorate my website with the obligatory blurry sentimental photos with a rose or tulip, cursive print, or the color lavender, which is the new pink now that pink has been coopted by breast cancer with the entire month of October devoted to everything pink for men and women alike.

But this is one of those instances in which God wants me to write something and I really don’t want to do it.  If the signs are everywhere, and frankly they are, I must have something to say that will mean something to someone.  Perhaps a woman.

I’ve been thinking a lot about women’s identities lately because of my personal life.  I’m actually surprised at how little has changed since the 1980s when I found a new identity in motherhood.  I faced complicated decisions that I see other women still facing today.

Along the way from motherhood to the present, I became a Christian and have asked myself a million times over,

As a woman, who am I in Christ?”

The Bible does answer that, in rather succinct terms: beloved child of God.  It answers the question of identity in the strictest sense, but not so much in the manner of purpose or practical living.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve seen women enduring conflicted lives regarding their purpose.  Irrespective of choices made, we live with internal questioning and reevaluation, desires that are incompatible with other desires, choices that require prayer and too often none of those choices are ideal.  Some choices are made for us, against our understanding of what is best, against what we want, or even against what the Bible teaches with today’s culture and yesterday’s traditions at war against the eternal Word.

Even when we make the decisions that we believe are godly, right, and best, we face criticism—spoken and unspoken—from the culture, from other women, from family, and from other arenas that seek to encroach upon that sacred territory of personal freedom, moral imperative, cherished values, and living life for Christ.

It is no surprise that many women plod through their lives with a sense of pensive gloom, a cloud of depression hanging over their heads, or unable to find true joy in the mundane things of life.  Little wonder that Christian women ask themselves what it means to be a Christian woman and many look to women’s ministries for answers to the questions,

What is my identity and where is my purpose?”

There is hope.

Over the next few days, I’m going to share my questioning in the form of Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.  They are terms of love.
10. Women are meant to be the Lord’s maidservants and they bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Perhaps these are not the only ten.  They’re ten that are on my mind and maybe on yours, too.  They’re not in any particular order, but they are how they came to print on a page.  You may disagree with me in these and that’s alright.  I’d even like to hear from you if your viewpoint is something for me to consider.  For those of you who love women’s ministries, keep up the good work, and please find room in your hearts for those of us who really aren’t all that into them because we don’t fit the mold.  Sisters can stick together even if we’re different.

If you’ve ever felt like a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad woman, or a bad Christian because of your womanhood, there is hope.  Enjoy my graphic, complete with pink, and flowers, and cursive, too!– as my olive branch into women’s ministries– as we look at Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood.  Maybe pink and lavender aren’t all that bad.  And I like flowers.  Maybe I can do this…