We’ve reached the last of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:  #10 The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Women don’t need to feel like they are glorifying God less by being women.  God is not surprised with how He made us and sometimes He is glorified uniquely by a woman’s obedience.  The extent to which the world’s population is female, that is the very degree to which He desires to receive glory by their obedience.

The number one thing any Christian woman can do is to seek God in order to obey Him.

Only by knowing and doing the will of God will we glorify Him in all we do.  So whether God has gifted you with the freedom of singleness, the joys of marriage, the responsibilities of motherhood, or seasons during which you experience a variety of these things in womanhood, do it well.  Obey God because the Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Research:

John 15:1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit– fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

Reflect:

• What does this Scripture say about bearing fruit?
• How does any woman or man bear fruit?
• How does bearing fruit look to God like glory and look to people like a litmus test for discipleship?
• In what ways are love and obedience connected?

Respond:

Are you a man?  Find ways to encourage the women in your life in their God-given callings.  They glorify Christ when they are obedient to Him.  Pray about whether there are any ways you are standing between a woman in your life and her calling from God.  If there are ways you can coach or encourage her in Christ when the journey is hard, it would help her to remain obedient when doubts arise.  Your help to her glorifies Christ because it affirms that His glory is paramount.

Are you a woman?  Be obedient at all times.  To God, certainly!  To the men in your life, show them respect and honor.  Treat them as you would wish to be treated and as brothers in your family.  Are there men in your life who do not know Jesus?  Are there men who disagree with what you’re doing?  Be patient in winning them over.  Culture is stacked against them in many of the same ways it is stacked against you.  God wants you to bear fruit and therefore, ask God to remove any obstacles in the way of fruitful service to Him.  Don’t give in to the traps of the culture.  Obedience to Christ–in spite of opposition–brings Him greater glory.  It’s a greater sacrifice of love.  Keep focused on Him.

Are you a pastor?  Teach about obedience and model it.  If you’re a married pastor, have you openly talked with your wife about her calling from God and taught other married men to do likewise with their wives?  If her obedience to Christ would mean expanding your view of pastors’ wives and their roles; if it would mean pressing into the opposition against her in order to teach all of us how obedience perseveres through trials; if it would mean standing up to men and women in your church who would stand in the way of her obedience to Christ, then are you prepared to walk with her, loving her as Christ loved the Church, and giving yourself up so that she might bring glory to God by her obedience?

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Submission and sacrifice are tough topics for women.  A few years ago, I led a weekend retreat for an adult ministry and ended up using the word submission as it appeared in one of the Scriptures we were using for a different purpose.  Though it was totally off-point, a Q&A exploded upon the scene and the word submission expanded into a full-blown discussion.  Submission and Sacrifice are pressure-cooker words and I’d argue that it’s because we begin at the wrong starting point.

Of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood, Number 9 is ‘Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.'”

They aren’t bad words for any of us.

But Submission and Sacrifice are too often presented as words of authority and control, of one person’s will ruling over another.

In truth, however, Submission and Sacrifice are words of love. 

That’s what the Scriptures say.

In evangelical Christian circles, a great debate has arisen about the “eternal subordination of the Son (Jesus) to the Father.”  (Translated for real human beings, these evangelical theologians posit that the Father is in control, the Son Jesus always submits, there is a hierarchy where the Father rules, this is the pattern from eternity past, and it will continue into eternity future.  Therefore women should get used to the fact that this pattern means women will be in submission and subordinate to authorities as men for all eternity.)

Personally, I think theirs is a human-derived and grave error, going wrong from a wrong starting point: power.  Subordination, like Submission and Sacrifice, is a word that makes Jesus appear to be in a station beneath that of the Father, and His position that of under the thumb of the Father when nothing could be farther from the Truth.

All of these (Submission, Sacrifice, and Subordination), as words of love, paint a picture of beauty in a relationship of love within the Godhead in which no one is exerting authority or control…as a tug of war…between conflicting wills. 

Instead, there is an excellence and perfection in unity of mind and purpose.  There is a common will and a shared goal.  These words, then, are ancient words of love that existed in the Godhead, words of love indicating a free will to shoulder more of the burden for the sake of the other.  Eternal Sacrifice.

If more of us earned submission by virtue of our love than demanded submission by means of our authority, we’d bear God’s image in far truer resemblance.

While I could write volumes on this and make everyone angry with me, I’d rather let God’s Word speak for itself on the issue of submission, sacrifice, and yes, even subordination.  Think of these words as ancient words of love as you Research, Reflect, and Respond.

Research:

• Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
• John 1:3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. …10 He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him.
• 1 Corinthians 8:6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom are all things, and we exist for Him; and one Lord, Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we exist through Him.
• Hebrews 2:10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things, and through whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to perfect the author of their salvation through sufferings.
• John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. 17 “For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him.
• John 10:17 The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life– only to take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”…29 “My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. 30 “I and the Father are one.”
• John 15:9 “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments, and abide in His love. 11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. 12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 “You are My friends, if you do what I command you. 15 “No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.

Reflect: 

• In Creation, who made mankind: Father, Son, or both?  With equal authority?  Equally in practice and outcome?  Who responded to whose will?
• When God sent Jesus to die for the sins of the human world, was the Father condemning Jesus to incarnation and to death apart from the will of the Son?  Whose will was done when Jesus came and when Jesus died?
• Imagine for a moment that the Father sent an unwilling Son to die for us.  Is that a picture of love?  Or a picture of brutality?
• Did the Father sacrifice anything to send Jesus to die?  Who submitted to the Father’s will?
• What is the connection between love and sacrifice and submission?
• Most of our views of subordination come from the world of work or from a power framework.  It’s no wonder we find the concept of subordination a difficult one. One notable exception we can relate to is that of a family.  In a loving family (acknowledging that some of you did not come from ones that fit that description) what kind of relationship would parents have to their children?  What kind of relationship would children have to their parents?  Does this confer an status of a child’s inferiority to one’s parents even into adulthood?  Or is the bond of love–in such a family–a bond that helps adult children to love and care for their parents because their parents loved and cared for them when they were little children?  What ought to make a parent’s treatment of a child adapt as children go from infancy to adulthood?  Did a child’s humanity change or simply mature?  How does a parent feel seeing a child mature into a kind, talented, diligent, considerate, and generous adult?
• Another helpful picture to reframe subordination, submission and sacrifice in terms of love would be a doorway wide enough for only one.  You don’t know what is on the other side of the door.  What would love do?  Lead the way through the one-person opening to protect those behind or would love send the children and women first to see what happens to them?  Leadership doesn’t need to be a power play.  It can be a sacrifice of love.

Respond:

Are you a man?  Look at the way you treat those around you.  Does love characterize your actions?  Do you earn submission by your loving protection of those in your midst?  How do you wield power?  What is your attitude toward power and love?  Which one is a sign of genuine strength?

Are you a woman?  Look at the way you treat those around you.  Does love characterize your actions?  Do you submit to the loving protection of parents, your husband, or those who lead through the one-person opening in the wall for your safety?  If you have children, do you protect your children in that same loving way?  What types of things make you bristle at words like submission, sacrifice and subordination?  Write down your thoughts on: “Those words make me feel like womanhood is _(fill in the blank)_.”  Bring that to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to show you Jesus’ view, in love and truth.

Are you a pastor?  Look at the way you treat those around you.  Does love characterize your actions?  Do you earn submission by your loving protection of those in your midst?  Are you all about power and control?  Would those in positions of responsibility under your authority say that you are all about power and control?  What types of things keep you from pursuing submission, sacrifice and subordination as words of love?  If the Father treated you the way you treat others, would you know the fullness of joy, the freedom of worship as living sacrifice, and the happiness of fruitful service?  Do you lay down your life for the sake of others?

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Number 8 of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is:

The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while simultaneously honoring the men in her life.

Tightrope walking may also be called funambulism, but it’s easier said than done and sometimes not much fun in today’s Christian landscape.

Keeping your balance in the Christian life is perhaps more difficult for women than it is for men.  Arguably, womanhood requires keeping a Christian ministry balance in both horizontal (with men) and in vertical (with God) ways.

Every tightrope walker needs a few important things:

1. Maintaining the center
2. Staying focused
3. Footing as friction
4. Balancing tools

* * *

Maintaining the center:  What is our center, or rather, Who?  If you said “Jesus,”  you’re absolutely right.  He is our center.  Everything we do is centered around following Him, obeying Him, and doing His will.  When we’re centered, we’re less likely to be twisted and turned off our narrow way and we are able to walk it without falling.

Staying focused: This another key because distraction and discouragement are two of our adversary’s primary weapons against us.  If Satan cannot discourage us away from the centrality of God’s tasks, our adversary will try to convince us to pay attention to other things, too.  How is it possible to stay focused when so many things in church try to pull us off the tightrope?  Things like politics, other people’s expectations, selfish priorities, and for women (and men), feminism and the reaction against it–they all serve to twist our balance and throw us off kilter.  We spend so much energy fighting each other, we often have little stamina left to actually contend together for the sake of the Gospel.

Footing as friction: It may seem counterintuitive, but the friction we get also serves to give us traction.  It helps us to cling to what the Truth is.  When we have a toehold on the narrow way of Truth, we won’t slip so easily.  In fact, it’s the crags and crevices, the bumpy parts and jagged edges which serve to make it possible to climb.  I think about the two men who recently climbed the 3,000 foot granite cliff on El Capitan in Yosemite National Park using only their hands and feet and a safety rope.  One of the climbers’ mothers was reported to say that theirs is , “[A] deep, abiding, lifelong friendship, built over suffering on the wall together over six years.”  It’s not just folk wisdom that says if a mountain was smooth, you couldn’t climb it.  Without friction we could not walk and we could not run.  With reduced friction, like on sheets of ice, our steps must be smaller and our stride slower to avoid slipping.

Friction, though it makes the work harder in one sense, is the very force that also makes our walk and work possible.

Balancing tools:  For the Christian woman seeking to honor both Christ and the men in her life with their rules of Christian engagement, it’s important to have the necessary balancing tools of the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, and lots of prayer.  The Holy Spirit, close to our heart and our center of faith, uses the full Word of God and lots of prayer to prevent the rotational inertia and angular acceleration which could twist and turn the Christian woman off her walk.  When my husband honors Christ with respect to himself, he is also honoring Christ’s will for me.  Jesus wouldn’t tell my husband something different as my “one-flesh-husband” than what Jesus tells me.  So when we cling to one another in marriage, and we cling to Christ together, I can obey Jesus by obeying what Jesus told my husband.  It takes two feet to stand steady and to walk with purpose.  It’s how we work together in love, and do God’s will in total unity.

Research:

• Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
• Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 5:1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God…21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
• Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
• 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
• John 17:18 As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. 19 For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. 20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24 “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. 25 “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26 I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Reflect:

• How does a focus on dividing the marriage on the issue of headship (between head and not-head) undermine the “one flesh” cause of unity in marriage?
• Take an Oreo and put it under a napkin.  Which led the way, the cookie or the filling?  Or was it the hand that did the important action?  How might this apply to the calling on a woman’s life to submit in marriage and submit to Christ?  How is it possible to do both?
• If my husband and I are of one mind in obeying God, does it really matter (in practice) which one is “the head” leading us both toward obedience?  Or by the hand of God and the headship of Christ, are we both working toward it, individually and together?
• When is it helpful to have one person leading the way and another one willingly following?
• How does a focus on dividing the Church between men and women, leaders and followers, pastors and congregations, authority and submission undermine our ability to work together?
• When we are unified, all of us submitted to Christ, how does that keep us balanced and let all our energies result in balanced forward movement instead of the unsteady side-to-side of a balancing act?
• Try balancing on one foot.  Now try two.  How is the human body designed?  What is the best way to achieve stability?
• Try walking with two feet.  Now try walking with one.  What must happen to the one foot in order to make progress?  It must alter its contact with ….what?

Respond:

Are you a man?  How’s your center?  Is Jesus there?  How’s your balance and your footing?  What about friction: are there any potential stumbling blocks impeding the forward progress of the women in your life with respect to the Gospel and the Kingdom of God?  Or is the friction causing you to cling to the Word for wisdom?  Are you married?  What would it look like to encourage your wife in obedience to Christ and for you to sacrifice for her?

Are you a woman?  How’s your center?  Is Jesus there?  How’s your balance and your footing?  What about friction: are there any ways in which you are perpetuating division by your actions?  Are you married or working toward marriage in the future?  If so, would your spouse or intended say that you are honoring your relationship with him?  Would he say that you are doing God-honoring things and using God-honoring ways in your obedience to Christ?  Is it possible to do all the right things in all the wrong ways?  How might your balancing tool of the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and prayer help you to maintain your center and watch your life and doctrine closely?

Are you a pastor?  How’s your center?  Is Jesus there?  How’s your balance and your footing?  Where is the friction in your church?  Are there any ways in which you are causing division by your policies, programs, or actions?  How might your views of authority be revised by thinking of your church as requiring both feet for proper balance and forward movement?  How might cutting one foot short be hampering your balance, limiting your stride, and preventing growth of your church?  How might you view friction positively and use it to help your whole congregation climb higher?

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Over 2 decades ago, Time Magazine featured a cover asking, “Why Are Men and Women Different?” The featured subtitle was, “It isn’t just upbringing.  New studies show they are born that way.”

For many of us, our immediate thought was, “Duh” or “Ya think?”  Because we know the Undeniable Truth of Womanhood #7: Biology Affirms What the Bible Teaches. Men and women are different because even though (together) we complete one species, we were two separate creative acts of God.  Adam was created first from the dust of the earth and then, Eve was built from him.  That’s what the Bible teaches.

Why?  Because it was important for redemptive history.

It’s why it took both Adam and Eve’s eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for their eyes to be opened.  In the scope of redemptive history, if Eve hadn’t come from Adam, then Christ’s forgiveness wouldn’t extend to women, too.  I’m ok with Eve being made from Adam since I want to share in the grace of Christ for salvation like all Adam’s descendants do.

Yes, I’m a Creationist.  And I believe the rest of the Bible too.  Women and men are not exactly alike and a woman’s identity, her womanhood, flows from having been built from man.  She’s Adam’s perfect complement.  Together, we make a perfect pair.

I sometimes marvel at the level of coincidence one must acknowledge when adhering to the idea of man’s ORIGIN from evolution alone. 

Women know how hard it is to find a good man even knowing what to look for, in a confined space like earth.  Let’s say you had the whole universe to search for someone who was your suitable reproductive mate among all the primates, especially one to produce offspring.  It’d take even longer.

 It’d be like “Where’s Waldo?” on steroids and without a hat to help you find the guy.

For me, the hardest thing for evolutionists to overlook is the idea of male and female in both the Animal Kingdom and Plant Kingdom.  In this graphic (below) just imagine how miraculous it is that each of these life forms have male and female.  Did they start male and female, evolving lions and peacocks (for example) from both sex branches?  There is no third sex, fourth sex, or undeclared in the bunch.  Why would evolution settle in on only two sexes for reproduction?  To me, this is the biggest stumbling block evolutionists must answer before I would even think of questioning the simplest solution: God made them that way.  Biology affirms this.

Research:

Genesis 1:20 And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky.” 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning– the fifth day. 24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (italics added)

Reflect:

• When God created Adam and Eve, He made them to be image bearers and to rule.  When He blessed them, He said, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over.”  (Genesis 1:27-28)  In the rest of the Animal Kingdom, does the male or female hunt and gather, or do both do it?
• What about humanity causes us to desire to rule over each other?
• How does biology affirm what the Bible teaches about “each according to their kinds” ?
• How does biology affirm what the Bible teaches about men and women with respect to the rest of the created order (environment)?
• In creating male and female, in what ways did God divide up the responsibilities for reproductive seasons?  Which one bears the offspring?  In which one does fertilization occur, even in the Plant Kingdom?  In the Animal Kingdom, which one sits on the nest, creates the den, lays the eggs, or births and nurses the offspring?
• For those females not in reproductive seasons, such as celibate singles, girls, and women past child-bearing years, what parts of the blessing ought women to use in bearing God’s image?

Respond:

Are you a man?  In Genesis 3:20 we read, “Now the man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all the living.”  Adam named his wife after the fall of man and before she was pregnant with Cain, their firstborn.  In households of husbands and wives, it is perfectly appropriate for men to assume a greater share of the “rule and subdue” part of God’s blessing of the one-flesh-team while the mother of children focuses on the “be fruitful and multiply” part.  What might this indicate about God’s view of single motherhood, “baby mamas,” and the rise in America of the disappearing father?  How ought this change your behavior toward women?  How might biology affirm that families need fathers, too, in order to have children who bear God’s image to the fullest human extent possible?  How does an engaged father on earth prepare our hearts for seeing our Father in heaven?  If you need to change something, now’s the time.

Are you a woman?  Bearing offspring is a blessing not a curse.  Therefore, it’s perfectly appropriate for women to embrace their season as mothers, as singles, and as post-childbearing women.  It doesn’t mean “use it or lose it” when it comes to the ruling and subduing part of the blessing.  See your life as a series of seasons in which you multiply God’s image in different ways.

Are you a pastor?  Teach men to be men and to accept responsibility for their offspring.  Allow women to be women in all those varying seasons which our reproductive years present.  Herding women into the nursery or the women’s ministry for praying for husbands is not helpful to women who have neither children nor a husband.  See them as full image bearers of God, armed with the Word to be fruitful in other ways, to multiply God’s image through teaching, preaching, and evangelism… and encourage them to be fully functioning ministers of God in the Church and in their workplaces.  God never withdrew the blessing from women and we should not either.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood, #6 is top of mind for women in their child-bearing years:

All women make choices of no return.”

Women of child-bearing years face a fork in the road of womanhood where there is no going back.   

One can neither retreat back to the fork nor take both paths simultaneously and see where they end up before making a decision.  There is seldom a sign saying, “Wrong Way.”

It is indeed a test of faith.

This is not to say the choices form regrets or that they will even be regrets in the future, only that these choice cannot be undone or redone another way from the starting line.

From the moment a woman becomes pregnant, her life is changed.  Forever.  That life change exhibits itself in a domino effect of changes that last a lifetime and beyond because once a mother, always a mother.

There are few things in my life that have so dramatically changed me…in ways apart from my own will…to be changed.  My being born and my decision to follow Christ are the only two comparable events I can think of.  Born and born again.  They’re the only two that impact men in a similar fashion to how being pregnant changes a woman’s life.

Suddenly, a woman faces decisions such as whether to pursue a career outside the home, knowing it means leaving her children in someone else’s care, or to devote her time to work as mother inside the home, piecing together options to make everything work.  Women wrestle to find ways to do it all.

Why do women experience this but men do not? 

Part of it is cultural to be sure, but part of it, I believe, goes back to the way men and women were created.  We both received the blessings of God in the Garden of Eden, but outside of Eden, they pull women differently than men.  For Eve, being fruitful (fertile) and multiplying involved different outcomes than it did for Adam.  Only women bear children.  Yet the blessing of ruling, subduing, etc., still tug at a woman’s desire to be a full image bearer.

Therefore, women face decisions that men do not because we are tied to our children in a totally different way.  Those decisions may sound simple enough–especially to men who father but do not bear children–but frankly, these decisions are agonizing ones for women.

• All the temptations are there to avoid feeling vulnerable, knowing you’re at the mercy of someone else to provide for you, to trust that love will be enough not to leave you in the cold.  Culture says others can’t be trusted.  Look out for #1, especially when #1 is both mother and child.  To sacrifice self-reliance is tough.
• Temptations are there to put yourself ahead of the others in your family for the sake of your own personal happiness.  Mothering can be a thankless job, and often is.  To sacrifice personal fulfillment is hard.
• All the guilt arises from every corner–even if never stated–making many of us feel like we’re not contributing somehow either financially or sufficiently in our child’s childhood.  To sacrifice esteem and affirmation from others hurts.
• One’s mothering skills are under a microscope and “how the children turn out” seems to be more a function of mothering than fathering, though science says it’s both.  To sacrifice with society’s blame turned upon oneself as accountability for another human being is hard, especially when one is acutely aware of what one gave up to be a mother.
• In addition to that, many of us remember what it’s like not to be tied to a child.  We find ourselves secretly longing for our pre-pregnancy days when our lives were as simple as men’s, and our bodies didn’t look like Mom.  To sacrifice simplicity and appearance is brought to mind daily and all it takes is a mirror and a memory.

The concept of sacrifice calls out to us from behind every tree, under every rock, and from every corner of our lives…and if it isn’t painful, is it truly a sacrifice?

Sacrifice, it is so often accompanied by pain!  But do we want the pain?  Sometimes necessity requires a woman to make choices she doesn’t really want to make.  Sometimes her personality is at conflict with the choice she’d prefer.

One of the hardest things for me was the decision to stay at home with my kids while they were young.  I took one path and it led places I wouldn’t have anticipated.   Each time a fork presented itself and I thought that finally, I would be back on my way to Careersville, some major event or crisis occurred and I was back to putting others first, if I could, because that’s what I was taught that moms do.

Sacrifice is part of making choices of no return.  It won’t look the same for every woman, but it will be sacrifice nonetheless.   It is this truth that prompted my short series of thinking aloud about the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood.  I became aware that things are not that different for my daughter now than when I was her age and had children.

Research the idea of sacrifice:

2 Samuel 24:15-25, particularly verse 24 But the king [David] replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”

1 John 4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Romans 12:1 I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. 3 For through the grace given to me I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.

Philippians 2:1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Reflect:

• How does sacrifice honor God?
• How are love and sacrifice connected?
• How might the connection between love and sacrifice encourage you when called to sacrifice your needs, desires, and dreams for someone else?
• Will all sacrifice look alike or will each person’s sacrifice look different?
• Once an animal is sacrificed, in the Old Testament days, was that animal able to come back from the dead?  In what way did sacrifice teach important lessons about sin, responsibility, and love?

Respond:

Are you a man?  How might you respond to the notion of the sacrifices women make in your life?  How might you encourage the women who have sacrificed to make your path easier?  Find ways to thank your mother, your sisters, your neighbors, your friends, your wife, or your daughters for the sacrifices you see them making for the good of others.

Are you a woman?  Perhaps the greatest reassurance is that you’re not alone.  Remind yourself that even if the decisions are permanent, they can be blessed as well.  Sometimes the decision’s consequences last for a season and can be modified to accommodate different life stages.  The decision isn’t retracted but it grows as the egg and the chrysalis seasons pass, and you emerge as a butterfly with all the winged freedom you remember.  Even if you have no children of your own, you can find ways of thanking the women in your life who encouraged you during the years of sacrifice we all make.

Are you a pastor?  Teach about sacrifice and its connection to love.  You’ll encourage men and women to look outside of themselves and the world will be a better place for it.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I don’t want to think this, but perhaps I’m the only woman in the world who really doesn’t like Proverbs 31 because it has been the #2 most misused and #1 guilt-tripping passage about women in the Bible.

It’s been used as defining some sort of religious superwoman before there were superwomen.  Until the feminist movement tried to convince us we could all be superwomen who bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let our husband forget he’s a man like the 1980s Enjoli ad says.  The “24 hour woman” who does it all and apparently needs no sleep.  Oh, and in her spare time after working her tail off, raises perfect children who play soccer and a dozen other sports, are prodigies of music and art, and after being National Merit Scholars become Nobel Peace Prize winners.  What a crock!

Of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

Undeniable Truth #5 is ‘Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.'”

In a recent Chicago Tribune perspective, Tina Rodia writes, “Not a day goes by when I’m not reading another headline arguing that women can have it all, or more accurately, why they can’t.”  And the column explores “how the idea of ‘having it all’ makes women feel terrible about themselves.”  Rodia explains how women cannot be so narrowly defined as professional mothers, career women.  Thank you, modern feminism, for narrowly defining womanhood as super- womanhood for the rest of us.

Feminism didn’t invent superwomen, it just secularized the concept.  It took theologians pointing to Proverbs 31 to initiate that movement and define superwomen as super-duper in the home.  Never mind that this is an epilogue to the book of Proverbs, basically putting flesh on (personifying and applying) wisdom that is exalted in the prologue and throughout the rest of the book.

Compare Proverbs 3:13-18 with Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, 14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. 15 She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. 16 Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. 17 Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. 18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

Proverbs 31:1 10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

See what I mean? 

Unfortunately this has become the yardstick by which theological men measure women. 

If women don’t like women’s ministry or hanging out in the nursery doting on children, we’re a problem, not a solution to other problems. 

Is a wife like what we see in Proverbs 31 a good thing?  Sure!

But it’s not an excuse for men to expect their wives to be perfect superwomen unless those men are respected at the city gate as moral, upstanding, wealth-producing, and intellectual supermen who remember to praise such a wife publicly for her fear of the Lord and using what God gave her to use for the benefit of others.

Men cannot do it all.  Women cannot do it all. 

It’s why we’re better together and we’re all better off dealing in reality where no man is superman, women are not superwomen, but gaining wisdom as fear of the Lord is good for all of us.

Research:  Read back over Proverbs 31 and identify traits of wisdom contained there, personified in the wife of noble character, traits which apply to men and women alike.

Job 28:12 “But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? 13 Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living. 14 The deep says, ‘It is not in me’; the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’ 15 It cannot be bought with the finest gold, nor can its price be weighed in silver. 16 It cannot be bought with the gold of Ophir, with precious onyx or sapphires. 17 Neither gold nor crystal can compare with it, nor can it be had for jewels of gold. 18 Coral and jasper are not worthy of mention; the price of wisdom is beyond rubies. 19 The topaz of Cush cannot compare with it; it cannot be bought with pure gold. 20 “Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell? 21 It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds of the air. 22 Destruction and Death say, ‘Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.’ 23 God understands the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells, 24 for he views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens. 25 When he established the force of the wind and measured out the waters, 26 when he made a decree for the rain and a path for the thunderstorm, 27 then he looked at wisdom and appraised it; he confirmed it and tested it. 28 And he said to man, ‘The fear of the Lord– that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'”

Reflect:

• How has modern feminism been “bought into” by both men and women, transforming a woman’s having it all into a woman’s attempt at doing it all?
• How is this a recipe for sleep deprivation, loss of self-worth in womanhood, and depression?
• How does doing it all differ from slavery?
• If “fear of the Lord is wisdom,” what is the number 1 thing a woman should do in order to be the wife or woman of noble character?

Respond:

Are you a man?  Encourage the women in your life that they don’t have to do it all or be it all.  You love them because of who they are and not because of what they do.  Recognize the good things they do and praise them, whether that woman is your mother, your sister, your wife, or your daughter, etc.. They need your encouragement because culture dispirits women in many ways. Do your best not to find fault with their shortcomings as there’s probably a log in your eye somewhere.  Work hard.  Show grace.  And above all, Love since Love covers over a multitude of other stuff, including sin.

Are you a woman?  Let go of what is not real.  The feminist movement appeals to the inner perfectionist present in many women.  Perfection is not possible this side of heaven or apart from Christ.  Superwomen and Wonderwomen don’t exist except in the comics…ones written by men.  Embrace the freedom of reality.  You can strive for excellence in many areas, but you need not be it all to all people, or do it all, all the time.  You are not the Messiah.  You are not perfect.  But you can be wise by getting to know the One who is.  Get to know Jesus and His grace.  Do what God created you to do and trust Him with the rest.

Are you a pastor?  You can really help out the women in your flock by not expecting them to be perfect.  By encouraging them and praising them for what a benefit they are to your congregation, like Paul did at the end of Romans, whether in women’s ministry, children’s ministry or as teachers equipped by God for a broader base.  In your reaction to modern feminism, neither embrace the big lie of feminism nor deny the truth that God intends for women to serve Him too.  By way of reaction, restricting women (beyond the point God might) brings no glory to Him.  Dig deep into your feelings about working with women, imagine them as your biological sisters, and dig deep into the Scriptures and ask yourself if you can contend for the Gospel with women alongside you…just like Paul did.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Undeniable Truth #4 of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is

“Once a mother, Always a mother.”

This is very much a double-edged truth.  It is both beautiful and poignant. And it’s a truth no one can prepare the mother for …before she becomes a mother and knows it by experience.

First the poignant and sadder side:  The truth that “Once a mother, Always a mother” is a strange reassurance for some of us.  We hope to see our children in heaven and trust that they will know we were family on earth.  However, it doesn’t make the pain go away for those of us who have outlived our children.  Women who have miscarried or endured the sadness surrounding stillbirth, women whose children have been afflicted with illness that robs them of life way too young, women whose children were killed at war, and women who have endured prodigal children who break our hearts, we know that truth of “Once a mother, Always a mother” … by the void … left behind.  We will always be mothers even if our children are no longer here.   I’d like to believe we have a special place in the heart of God for the unique kind of suffering this presents.  After all, He knows it by Adam’s rebellion/sin and by the crucifixion of God’s Son Jesus (at the age of 33) to make reconciliation with rebellious Adam even possible.

Jesus’ own mother Mary knew what it was like to have her son Jesus die.  Yet the Bible says she found favor with God and also this:

For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.”  (Luke 1:48)

From this time on.  Wow.  How many people would consider Mary’s watching her son Jesus be crucified as blessing?

It sure doesn’t feel anything like blessing to those of us who have endured this side of “Once a mother, Always a mother.”  Our bodies have experienced chemical changes, maybe even our physical shapes remain changed long after giving birth.  We hear things differently, any baby’s cry is simultaneously alerting us to a child’s needs but also reminding us that a cry equals life (even if the sadness our life experiences have included no cry or an agonizing cry of a child in pain, the tears signaling a premature end to our child’s life).

“Once a mother, Always a mother” can be profoundly positive too!

For some of us, in the positive sense, “Once a mother, Always a mother” means that even into adulthood, our kids still call us to ask advice, or to help wrestle through problems (and not just ones involving math and homework assignments).  It’s reassuring, in a sense, to know our kids still want to talk to us or value our listening ear and counsel.  Inculcating beliefs is part of a mother’s role when we take seriously “Once a mother, Always a mother” and to know our kids care what we think is a very good thing!   That’s how it was in the life of Timothy, as the Apostle Paul records:

For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5)

Then there’s the issue of responsibility in “Once a mother, Always a mother.”

We worry about our children and care what happens to them, long after they leave the nest.  Whether this essay today is bordering on mere fact and admission or repentance and confession, sometimes motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We experience conflicted feelings as this Huffington Post article discusses.   I look at my own two living children and see them as adults in their own right.  I am now a grandmother, too, and praise God for a healthy grandson.  But motherhood hasn’t been rainbows and unicorns all the time.  There have been times I’ve been my best version of myself well on my way to “Mother of the Year.”  But truth be told, there have been many, many times I know I have not come close to a nomination, holding the motherhood football and ending up sacked past the 50 yard line toward the other end of the spectrum maybe labeled “Mother from Hell.”

 Once a mother, Always a mother” emphasizes the fact that there are no do-overs.  Ever.  When it comes to children.

Every day that goes by is a day I will not get back to try to be a better mom.  The mother I’ve been is the mother my children will always know, one who has been full of flaws and best-efforts-gone-awry.  Hopefully plenty of good memories of love, too.  No amount of good grandmothering as a sadder but wiser Christian now erases my performance of motherhood or atones for my non-Christian years or my unchristian behavior at times.

I wish I’d known Jesus before I knew motherhood.  And that’s the truth.

Research:

Matthew 12:46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Mark 3:20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” 22 And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, “He is possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” 23 So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: “How can Satan drive out Satan? 24 If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man. Then he can rob his house. 28 I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. 29 But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.” 30 He said this because they were saying, “He has an evil spirit.” 31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” 33 “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. 34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!

John 2:1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 4 “Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.

John 19: 25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. 28 Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

 Reflect:

• Was Jesus being rude to His mother by saying His disciples were His mother?  What was Jesus’ point?
• Was Mary wrong to have involved Jesus in the wine shortage?  Why did Jesus go ahead and instruct the servants?
• Was Jesus wrong to have sent His mother Mary along with John instead of insisting upon her returning to Mary’s other children with Joseph?  What made John more suitable?
• What does it mean to  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)?

Respond:

If you’re a mother, praise God for your children and consider them a blessing.  Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD; The fruit of the womb is a reward.”  Treat every day with them as a special gift and do your best to model love and faith.  Know there is grace for the times we all fail.  God loves us as His children and loves all His children more than we ever could.

If your mother is still living, thank God for her.  Be reconciled to her if estrangement has existed between you and her.  Let her know you value the relationship.  Maybe today.  Don’t wait for the obligatory Mother’s Day expectation.

If your mother is no longer alive on earth, consider the heavenly hope that, for those of us who know Jesus as Lord and Savior, we will see our loved ones in heaven.  I believe we will be aware of our relationships from earth even if we will be recast as brothers and sisters.

If you’ve never been a mother in a biological sense and that is a source of sadness for you, consider that Paul was a “father” to Timothy who was his true son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2) and he could also say in 1 Corinthians 4:15 “For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.” Your children can be those you lead to faith in Christ.  You can be a mother to them.

If you’re a pastor, consider doing your part not to reinforce the expectations of perfection or of motherhood.  Be aware that Mother’s Day is among the most painful days of the year for many women.  As a Hallmark holiday, we can focus on sonhood and daughterhood and honor all mothers in that way.  While motherhood has the potential for division and pain, the command “Honor your father and mother” is definitely biblical and grows us all in God-honoring ways.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I’d like to proclaim freedom for women who have no children.  Freedom from judgment.  Freedom from guilt.  Freedom from feelings of inferiority and feelings of being “less than” simply because one is not a mother.

Freedom from sadness is one I’d like to proclaim too, but in truth I know how deeply this issue touches women at their very core.  One of the most painful things for many women has been the unfortunate and insensitive conflating of womanhood with motherhood.  We’ll cover motherhood later as a social good, but it’s important that we do not reduce a woman’s role in this world to simply any baby’s incubator.

That’s how I arrived at #3 in the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.

For women whose life experiences include death of the unborn, infertility, or being unmarried and without children, the whole ticking biological clock idea in order for one to be a good Christian woman is among the most hurtful concepts out there.  It’s time we dispensed with that ill-gotten notion, one that is actually a very negative by-product of a very good idea: that women and men are not alike and we have complementary roles.  Men cannot birth children.  And that’s a fact of biology.

That said, God created women to be fully complete individuals before He ever gave the first pregnancy.  Interestingly and importantly, the order is Creation, Blessing, Fall, Punishment, and then conception. 

In the Bible, conception never occurred in the perfect world before sin (which poses really interesting theological hypotheticals, what ifs, and propositions all by itself).  Pregnancy happened for the first time after being banished from Eden.

Genesis 4:1 Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”

Frankly, Cain didn’t turn out so well.

Genesis 4:25 Adam lay with his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth, saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.” 26 Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh. At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD.  Genesis 5:1 This is the written account of Adam’s line. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. 2 He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them “man.” 3 When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. (italics added)

It took 130 years for Adam to have a son in his own likeness, not in perfection’s likeness.

So what did Eve do during the 130 years of time between creation and Seth?

I don’t think it’s a stretch or unbiblical to suggest that as Adam’s suitable helper, she was likely doing the same things Adam was doing, things that were in the blessing God gave to His equal image bearers:  Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Eve was a complete woman long before she was a mom.  She was ruling and subduing alongside Adam before she was increasing in number and filling the earth.  Complete womanhood involves filling the earth with God’s image by her increasing display of God’s image over time and by spreading God’s wisdom over His creation by virtue of time spent serving God as well!  This is something women can do whether they are married or unmarried, and mothers or not.

This is an image of completeness and filling.  Complete womanhood!  It could not be clearer that fertility produces a different level of increase and more potential for completeness, not the only way.  Yes, fertile motherhood fills the earth numerically but here’s the key:

for mankind to fill the earth with God’s image still requires men and women to operate in the other areas of blessing, those of leadership and stewardship…because fertility only changes numbers, not hearts.

Research:

Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful [plural] and increase [plural]  in number; fill [plural] the earth and subdue [plural] it. Rule [plural] over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Italics and [plural] notations added)

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3: 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you [masculine singular] ?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 11 And he said, “Who told you [masculine singular] that you [masculine singular] were naked? Have you [masculine singular] eaten from the tree that I commanded you [masculine singular] not to eat from?” 12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me– she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” 14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” 16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.”

Reflect:

• What difference does it make that the ruling and subduing involved in the blessing of Genesis 1:26-28 was both together (them) and individual (male and female)?
• Prior to the fall of man, one flesh-togetherness characterized man and woman in Creation.  Eve was created as a suitable helper, not as a wife or mother.  In heaven, women will not be wives or mothers.  We will be sisters working together with our brothers as a team.  How does the idea of male and female as children of God form a more accurate pattern for eternity?
• As Eve could not be 2 women at once, God gave her the role of wife and mother in order to fulfill the blessing of fertility and increase.  Scripture says, Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  Which father and mother were Adam leaving?  Or is this an explanation for later marriages offered by the narrator?
• In the plan and scope of Creation, why was it necessary that some female of each species experience fertility?  How does this relate to the blessing of increase?
• After the fall, how did God punish both Adam and Eve?  Infertility is a consequence of the fall experienced by both men and women.  If fertility was the blessing for perfect image bearers, how is infertility a reality of brokenness?  Why does our culture put so much the sadness of infertility on women? No one knows exactly what “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children” means.  Emotional pain? Physical pain?  Probably yes, both.  But infertility, too, because the blessing was subjected to brokenness, it was never withdrawn.  We grieve the loss of the perfect blessing.
• In what ways does the Church’s insistence on–and elevation of–marriage and motherhood as the only suitable roles for women heap sadness upon women who have already experienced their share when single manhood and infertile men still have value to the Church apart from children?  How does this communicate that women are not equal image bearers?
• In the flow of redemption, why was it necessary that Eve did not birth children before the fall of man?  What would have happened to a child (born or unborn) in terms of punishment if only Adam and Eve ate?

Respond:

• If you’re a man, take another prayerful look at your theology and ask yourself if you hold married/mothers and unmarried or infertile women to a totally different yardstick than married/fathers and unmarried/infertile men.  Is a man just as much of a man to you if he’s single without children?  Is he a threat in your ministry?  If you’re using different yardsticks, prayerfully consider what the “Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven” would look like among brothers and sisters.  If there is no marriage in heaven, ask yourself whether marriage is the model or if siblings in the family of our heavenly Father would provide a better pattern.
• If you’re a woman, be encouraged that you can be a fellow worker in the Lord, like the ones Paul commended in Romans 16:1-16 –women who contended for the Gospel along with Paul.  Importantly with women like Phoebe whom Paul sends with the masterpiece of Paul’s clearest theology of salvation.  She was a sister, a servant, a missionary, and a leader doing her role in filling the earth with God’s image.  There is no word or indication of her marital or reproductive status.
• And if you’re a pastor, find ways to encourage women to be Phoebes in your ministry without sending them to the Women’s Ministry book club, Women’s Bible study, Beth Moore conference, or the nursery.  Some of us aren’t made that way and we bring glory to Christ in the same ruling and subduing function Eve had long before motherhood.  God never removed the blessing from women, or changed His view of complete womanhood, even if He did establish a undeniable structure for marital harmony.  God didn’t remove His blessing from men and He didn’t remove it from women.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.