I don’t want to think this, but perhaps I’m the only woman in the world who really doesn’t like Proverbs 31 because it has been the #2 most misused and #1 guilt-tripping passage about women in the Bible.

It’s been used as defining some sort of religious superwoman before there were superwomen.  Until the feminist movement tried to convince us we could all be superwomen who bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let our husband forget he’s a man like the 1980s Enjoli ad says.  The “24 hour woman” who does it all and apparently needs no sleep.  Oh, and in her spare time after working her tail off, raises perfect children who play soccer and a dozen other sports, are prodigies of music and art, and after being National Merit Scholars become Nobel Peace Prize winners.  What a crock!

Of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

Undeniable Truth #5 is ‘Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.'”

In a recent Chicago Tribune perspective, Tina Rodia writes, “Not a day goes by when I’m not reading another headline arguing that women can have it all, or more accurately, why they can’t.”  And the column explores “how the idea of ‘having it all’ makes women feel terrible about themselves.”  Rodia explains how women cannot be so narrowly defined as professional mothers, career women.  Thank you, modern feminism, for narrowly defining womanhood as super- womanhood for the rest of us.

Feminism didn’t invent superwomen, it just secularized the concept.  It took theologians pointing to Proverbs 31 to initiate that movement and define superwomen as super-duper in the home.  Never mind that this is an epilogue to the book of Proverbs, basically putting flesh on (personifying and applying) wisdom that is exalted in the prologue and throughout the rest of the book.

Compare Proverbs 3:13-18 with Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, 14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. 15 She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. 16 Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. 17 Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. 18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

Proverbs 31:1 10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

See what I mean? 

Unfortunately this has become the yardstick by which theological men measure women. 

If women don’t like women’s ministry or hanging out in the nursery doting on children, we’re a problem, not a solution to other problems. 

Is a wife like what we see in Proverbs 31 a good thing?  Sure!

But it’s not an excuse for men to expect their wives to be perfect superwomen unless those men are respected at the city gate as moral, upstanding, wealth-producing, and intellectual supermen who remember to praise such a wife publicly for her fear of the Lord and using what God gave her to use for the benefit of others.

Men cannot do it all.  Women cannot do it all. 

It’s why we’re better together and we’re all better off dealing in reality where no man is superman, women are not superwomen, but gaining wisdom as fear of the Lord is good for all of us.

Research:  Read back over Proverbs 31 and identify traits of wisdom contained there, personified in the wife of noble character, traits which apply to men and women alike.

Job 28:12 “But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? 13 Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living. 14 The deep says, ‘It is not in me’; the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’ 15 It cannot be bought with the finest gold, nor can its price be weighed in silver. 16 It cannot be bought with the gold of Ophir, with precious onyx or sapphires. 17 Neither gold nor crystal can compare with it, nor can it be had for jewels of gold. 18 Coral and jasper are not worthy of mention; the price of wisdom is beyond rubies. 19 The topaz of Cush cannot compare with it; it cannot be bought with pure gold. 20 “Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell? 21 It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds of the air. 22 Destruction and Death say, ‘Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.’ 23 God understands the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells, 24 for he views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens. 25 When he established the force of the wind and measured out the waters, 26 when he made a decree for the rain and a path for the thunderstorm, 27 then he looked at wisdom and appraised it; he confirmed it and tested it. 28 And he said to man, ‘The fear of the Lord– that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'”

Reflect:

• How has modern feminism been “bought into” by both men and women, transforming a woman’s having it all into a woman’s attempt at doing it all?
• How is this a recipe for sleep deprivation, loss of self-worth in womanhood, and depression?
• How does doing it all differ from slavery?
• If “fear of the Lord is wisdom,” what is the number 1 thing a woman should do in order to be the wife or woman of noble character?

Respond:

Are you a man?  Encourage the women in your life that they don’t have to do it all or be it all.  You love them because of who they are and not because of what they do.  Recognize the good things they do and praise them, whether that woman is your mother, your sister, your wife, or your daughter, etc.. They need your encouragement because culture dispirits women in many ways. Do your best not to find fault with their shortcomings as there’s probably a log in your eye somewhere.  Work hard.  Show grace.  And above all, Love since Love covers over a multitude of other stuff, including sin.

Are you a woman?  Let go of what is not real.  The feminist movement appeals to the inner perfectionist present in many women.  Perfection is not possible this side of heaven or apart from Christ.  Superwomen and Wonderwomen don’t exist except in the comics…ones written by men.  Embrace the freedom of reality.  You can strive for excellence in many areas, but you need not be it all to all people, or do it all, all the time.  You are not the Messiah.  You are not perfect.  But you can be wise by getting to know the One who is.  Get to know Jesus and His grace.  Do what God created you to do and trust Him with the rest.

Are you a pastor?  You can really help out the women in your flock by not expecting them to be perfect.  By encouraging them and praising them for what a benefit they are to your congregation, like Paul did at the end of Romans, whether in women’s ministry, children’s ministry or as teachers equipped by God for a broader base.  In your reaction to modern feminism, neither embrace the big lie of feminism nor deny the truth that God intends for women to serve Him too.  By way of reaction, restricting women (beyond the point God might) brings no glory to Him.  Dig deep into your feelings about working with women, imagine them as your biological sisters, and dig deep into the Scriptures and ask yourself if you can contend for the Gospel with women alongside you…just like Paul did.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Undeniable Truth #4 of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is

“Once a mother, Always a mother.”

This is very much a double-edged truth.  It is both beautiful and poignant. And it’s a truth no one can prepare the mother for …before she becomes a mother and knows it by experience.

First the poignant and sadder side:  The truth that “Once a mother, Always a mother” is a strange reassurance for some of us.  We hope to see our children in heaven and trust that they will know we were family on earth.  However, it doesn’t make the pain go away for those of us who have outlived our children.  Women who have miscarried or endured the sadness surrounding stillbirth, women whose children have been afflicted with illness that robs them of life way too young, women whose children were killed at war, and women who have endured prodigal children who break our hearts, we know that truth of “Once a mother, Always a mother” … by the void … left behind.  We will always be mothers even if our children are no longer here.   I’d like to believe we have a special place in the heart of God for the unique kind of suffering this presents.  After all, He knows it by Adam’s rebellion/sin and by the crucifixion of God’s Son Jesus (at the age of 33) to make reconciliation with rebellious Adam even possible.

Jesus’ own mother Mary knew what it was like to have her son Jesus die.  Yet the Bible says she found favor with God and also this:

For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.”  (Luke 1:48)

From this time on.  Wow.  How many people would consider Mary’s watching her son Jesus be crucified as blessing?

It sure doesn’t feel anything like blessing to those of us who have endured this side of “Once a mother, Always a mother.”  Our bodies have experienced chemical changes, maybe even our physical shapes remain changed long after giving birth.  We hear things differently, any baby’s cry is simultaneously alerting us to a child’s needs but also reminding us that a cry equals life (even if the sadness our life experiences have included no cry or an agonizing cry of a child in pain, the tears signaling a premature end to our child’s life).

“Once a mother, Always a mother” can be profoundly positive too!

For some of us, in the positive sense, “Once a mother, Always a mother” means that even into adulthood, our kids still call us to ask advice, or to help wrestle through problems (and not just ones involving math and homework assignments).  It’s reassuring, in a sense, to know our kids still want to talk to us or value our listening ear and counsel.  Inculcating beliefs is part of a mother’s role when we take seriously “Once a mother, Always a mother” and to know our kids care what we think is a very good thing!   That’s how it was in the life of Timothy, as the Apostle Paul records:

For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5)

Then there’s the issue of responsibility in “Once a mother, Always a mother.”

We worry about our children and care what happens to them, long after they leave the nest.  Whether this essay today is bordering on mere fact and admission or repentance and confession, sometimes motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We experience conflicted feelings as this Huffington Post article discusses.   I look at my own two living children and see them as adults in their own right.  I am now a grandmother, too, and praise God for a healthy grandson.  But motherhood hasn’t been rainbows and unicorns all the time.  There have been times I’ve been my best version of myself well on my way to “Mother of the Year.”  But truth be told, there have been many, many times I know I have not come close to a nomination, holding the motherhood football and ending up sacked past the 50 yard line toward the other end of the spectrum maybe labeled “Mother from Hell.”

 Once a mother, Always a mother” emphasizes the fact that there are no do-overs.  Ever.  When it comes to children.

Every day that goes by is a day I will not get back to try to be a better mom.  The mother I’ve been is the mother my children will always know, one who has been full of flaws and best-efforts-gone-awry.  Hopefully plenty of good memories of love, too.  No amount of good grandmothering as a sadder but wiser Christian now erases my performance of motherhood or atones for my non-Christian years or my unchristian behavior at times.

I wish I’d known Jesus before I knew motherhood.  And that’s the truth.

Research:

Matthew 12:46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Mark 3:20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” 22 And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, “He is possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” 23 So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: “How can Satan drive out Satan? 24 If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man. Then he can rob his house. 28 I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. 29 But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.” 30 He said this because they were saying, “He has an evil spirit.” 31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” 33 “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. 34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!

John 2:1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 4 “Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.

John 19: 25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. 28 Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

 Reflect:

• Was Jesus being rude to His mother by saying His disciples were His mother?  What was Jesus’ point?
• Was Mary wrong to have involved Jesus in the wine shortage?  Why did Jesus go ahead and instruct the servants?
• Was Jesus wrong to have sent His mother Mary along with John instead of insisting upon her returning to Mary’s other children with Joseph?  What made John more suitable?
• What does it mean to  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)?

Respond:

If you’re a mother, praise God for your children and consider them a blessing.  Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD; The fruit of the womb is a reward.”  Treat every day with them as a special gift and do your best to model love and faith.  Know there is grace for the times we all fail.  God loves us as His children and loves all His children more than we ever could.

If your mother is still living, thank God for her.  Be reconciled to her if estrangement has existed between you and her.  Let her know you value the relationship.  Maybe today.  Don’t wait for the obligatory Mother’s Day expectation.

If your mother is no longer alive on earth, consider the heavenly hope that, for those of us who know Jesus as Lord and Savior, we will see our loved ones in heaven.  I believe we will be aware of our relationships from earth even if we will be recast as brothers and sisters.

If you’ve never been a mother in a biological sense and that is a source of sadness for you, consider that Paul was a “father” to Timothy who was his true son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2) and he could also say in 1 Corinthians 4:15 “For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.” Your children can be those you lead to faith in Christ.  You can be a mother to them.

If you’re a pastor, consider doing your part not to reinforce the expectations of perfection or of motherhood.  Be aware that Mother’s Day is among the most painful days of the year for many women.  As a Hallmark holiday, we can focus on sonhood and daughterhood and honor all mothers in that way.  While motherhood has the potential for division and pain, the command “Honor your father and mother” is definitely biblical and grows us all in God-honoring ways.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I’d like to proclaim freedom for women who have no children.  Freedom from judgment.  Freedom from guilt.  Freedom from feelings of inferiority and feelings of being “less than” simply because one is not a mother.

Freedom from sadness is one I’d like to proclaim too, but in truth I know how deeply this issue touches women at their very core.  One of the most painful things for many women has been the unfortunate and insensitive conflating of womanhood with motherhood.  We’ll cover motherhood later as a social good, but it’s important that we do not reduce a woman’s role in this world to simply any baby’s incubator.

That’s how I arrived at #3 in the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.

For women whose life experiences include death of the unborn, infertility, or being unmarried and without children, the whole ticking biological clock idea in order for one to be a good Christian woman is among the most hurtful concepts out there.  It’s time we dispensed with that ill-gotten notion, one that is actually a very negative by-product of a very good idea: that women and men are not alike and we have complementary roles.  Men cannot birth children.  And that’s a fact of biology.

That said, God created women to be fully complete individuals before He ever gave the first pregnancy.  Interestingly and importantly, the order is Creation, Blessing, Fall, Punishment, and then conception. 

In the Bible, conception never occurred in the perfect world before sin (which poses really interesting theological hypotheticals, what ifs, and propositions all by itself).  Pregnancy happened for the first time after being banished from Eden.

Genesis 4:1 Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”

Frankly, Cain didn’t turn out so well.

Genesis 4:25 Adam lay with his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth, saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.” 26 Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh. At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD.  Genesis 5:1 This is the written account of Adam’s line. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. 2 He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them “man.” 3 When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. (italics added)

It took 130 years for Adam to have a son in his own likeness, not in perfection’s likeness.

So what did Eve do during the 130 years of time between creation and Seth?

I don’t think it’s a stretch or unbiblical to suggest that as Adam’s suitable helper, she was likely doing the same things Adam was doing, things that were in the blessing God gave to His equal image bearers:  Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Eve was a complete woman long before she was a mom.  She was ruling and subduing alongside Adam before she was increasing in number and filling the earth.  Complete womanhood involves filling the earth with God’s image by her increasing display of God’s image over time and by spreading God’s wisdom over His creation by virtue of time spent serving God as well!  This is something women can do whether they are married or unmarried, and mothers or not.

This is an image of completeness and filling.  Complete womanhood!  It could not be clearer that fertility produces a different level of increase and more potential for completeness, not the only way.  Yes, fertile motherhood fills the earth numerically but here’s the key:

for mankind to fill the earth with God’s image still requires men and women to operate in the other areas of blessing, those of leadership and stewardship…because fertility only changes numbers, not hearts.

Research:

Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful [plural] and increase [plural]  in number; fill [plural] the earth and subdue [plural] it. Rule [plural] over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Italics and [plural] notations added)

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3: 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you [masculine singular] ?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 11 And he said, “Who told you [masculine singular] that you [masculine singular] were naked? Have you [masculine singular] eaten from the tree that I commanded you [masculine singular] not to eat from?” 12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me– she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” 14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” 16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.”

Reflect:

• What difference does it make that the ruling and subduing involved in the blessing of Genesis 1:26-28 was both together (them) and individual (male and female)?
• Prior to the fall of man, one flesh-togetherness characterized man and woman in Creation.  Eve was created as a suitable helper, not as a wife or mother.  In heaven, women will not be wives or mothers.  We will be sisters working together with our brothers as a team.  How does the idea of male and female as children of God form a more accurate pattern for eternity?
• As Eve could not be 2 women at once, God gave her the role of wife and mother in order to fulfill the blessing of fertility and increase.  Scripture says, Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  Which father and mother were Adam leaving?  Or is this an explanation for later marriages offered by the narrator?
• In the plan and scope of Creation, why was it necessary that some female of each species experience fertility?  How does this relate to the blessing of increase?
• After the fall, how did God punish both Adam and Eve?  Infertility is a consequence of the fall experienced by both men and women.  If fertility was the blessing for perfect image bearers, how is infertility a reality of brokenness?  Why does our culture put so much the sadness of infertility on women? No one knows exactly what “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children” means.  Emotional pain? Physical pain?  Probably yes, both.  But infertility, too, because the blessing was subjected to brokenness, it was never withdrawn.  We grieve the loss of the perfect blessing.
• In what ways does the Church’s insistence on–and elevation of–marriage and motherhood as the only suitable roles for women heap sadness upon women who have already experienced their share when single manhood and infertile men still have value to the Church apart from children?  How does this communicate that women are not equal image bearers?
• In the flow of redemption, why was it necessary that Eve did not birth children before the fall of man?  What would have happened to a child (born or unborn) in terms of punishment if only Adam and Eve ate?

Respond:

• If you’re a man, take another prayerful look at your theology and ask yourself if you hold married/mothers and unmarried or infertile women to a totally different yardstick than married/fathers and unmarried/infertile men.  Is a man just as much of a man to you if he’s single without children?  Is he a threat in your ministry?  If you’re using different yardsticks, prayerfully consider what the “Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven” would look like among brothers and sisters.  If there is no marriage in heaven, ask yourself whether marriage is the model or if siblings in the family of our heavenly Father would provide a better pattern.
• If you’re a woman, be encouraged that you can be a fellow worker in the Lord, like the ones Paul commended in Romans 16:1-16 –women who contended for the Gospel along with Paul.  Importantly with women like Phoebe whom Paul sends with the masterpiece of Paul’s clearest theology of salvation.  She was a sister, a servant, a missionary, and a leader doing her role in filling the earth with God’s image.  There is no word or indication of her marital or reproductive status.
• And if you’re a pastor, find ways to encourage women to be Phoebes in your ministry without sending them to the Women’s Ministry book club, Women’s Bible study, Beth Moore conference, or the nursery.  Some of us aren’t made that way and we bring glory to Christ in the same ruling and subduing function Eve had long before motherhood.  God never removed the blessing from women, or changed His view of complete womanhood, even if He did establish a undeniable structure for marital harmony.  God didn’t remove His blessing from men and He didn’t remove it from women.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

As we continue looking at the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood, we come to the second one: No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood. No man knows.

I’m rather sick of John Piper’s view of womanhood.  There.  I said it.

Men who profess to tell women what womanhood is aren’t telling you the total truth.  Because they don’t know what it really is, by experience.  By analogy, a person who has read the whole Bible and can recite it from memory isn’t a Christian unless he has the personal experience of Christ.  Knowing is a word of intimacy and experience, not just book knowledge.  Womanhood, like Christian, is a word of BE-ing, a word of experience.

John Piper and Wayne Grudem (two renowned examples for those of you who have been spared these theological men who tell theological women what they can do) have written many good things and I have enjoyed their perspectives on all kinds of theological points.  I own their books.  I like their theology overall, but both have done a great disservice to God’s maidservants by speaking theory as if it’s reality.  They assert dogma instead of leaving the interpretation with God in One-on-one ministry to Christian women who have the Holy Spirit, just as Christian men do.

The idea that Christian women cannot be theologically trained to read the Bible accurately, to hear the Shepherd’s voice clearly, and to respond to the Holy Spirit in total obedience by doing what Drs. Piper and Grudem personally disapprove of is silly. It doesn’t make Christian women wrong or sinful.

One of my favorite scenes from The Return of the King, the final of the original trilogy of The Lord of the Rings has a scene lots of women like.  I’m not really into orcs and battles, but when Éowyn, a noblewoman/shield-maiden of Rohan (who sneaks into the battle by disguise) slices off the head of the Nazgûl which was ready to feed on her uncle’s flesh while he still lives, we all cheer her heroic actions.

Then Éowyn’s dialogue continues with the Witch King of Angmar as King Théoden, Éowyn’s uncle, lies dying:

• The Witch King of Angmar:   Pathetic warrior!
• Éowyn of Rohan:   I will kill you if you touch him!
• The Witch King of Angmar:   Kill me! Thou fool! No living man can slay me!
• Éowyn of Rohan:   I am no man! You look upon a woman!
•  [stabs him]

Yeah.  We all like that part.  It doesn’t make it any less courageous or less laudable because it was Éowyn who tried to preserve her uncle’s life instead of some man who was less pathetic-looking as a warrior in the eyes of the enemy.

Women who follow Christ will follow Him wherever He goes.  Even into places where women aren’t particularly welcome.  They do battle against the enemy (the devil) because they love the Father and they love Jesus.  Ironically, in all three persons of Triune perfection, God has fewer difficulties with women following the Great Commission as leaders and teachers than some of Jesus’ male followers historically have.  Jesus had no problem with women serving Him in varying ways, even in ways frowned on by His disciples.

It’s because Jesus alone is the Son of God.  And being God, Jesus is the only Man who had the mind of God even while He was male in His humanity.

The mind of God is what Drs. Piper and Grudem do not have.  By reading the Word and importantly having the Holy Spirit’s presence, they can have the mind of Christ for their lives, but they cannot know what God’s plan is for me or any other woman.  I hardly know myself since I don’t have the mind of God either.  It requires constant checking with the Holy Spirit and lots of Bible reading and prayer to even have the mind of Christ.

Yes, all our actions must be held to the standard of Scripture and in areas where things are open to interpretation, it’s best to leave that interpretation to God.  Of course men can teach what the Bible’s words are and even try to interpret based upon precedent and context.  But those are poor substitutes for the full mind of God, especially where someone else is concerned.  And just as no man can tell me what God is saying to me through His Holy Spirit, I’m in no place to tell them what God is saying to them.  Each of us must run our own race.  Each of us will be held accountable by God for the Truth and what we did with it.

Research: Research the connection between the Word, spiritual discernment, obedience, and love.

• Deuteronomy 13:4
• Matthew 7:18-27
• John 14:15-26
• John 21:17-23
• 1 Corinthians 2:3-16

Reflect:

• What is the difference between knowing the thoughts of God and having the mind of Christ?
• Is anyone able to discern another person’s calling?
• How does the Holy Spirit instruct the believer?  Does it differ male to female?
• What personality traits and human behaviors might cause any individual to claim to know how the Bible applies specifically to another person because she is female?
• What kind of personality traits and human behaviors cause people to steadfastly claim they are right about someone else’s calling and to chronically deny any possibility of being mistaken?
• To what degree have men and women been influenced by cultural factors such as feminism?
• How does the Church remain pure in the face of cultural influences?
• Will a woman’s disobedience to God be any less offensive to Him because any regular male (Christian or otherwise) told and taught a woman not to do it?

Respond: 

• If you’re a man reading this, pray about where the line exists between spiritual judgments and their application to others, between the words of Scripture and their interpretation, and between obedience, civil disobedience, and sin.  Ask God to reveal His view of the Church and Kingdom growth and how men and women interact as children of the same family of God.
• If you’re a woman reading this, pray about whether your view is based upon the Spirit of God, all His wisdom, and careful instruction in the Word of God… or whether your desires flow–even a bit–out of a feminist’s cheerleading of women and women’s causes.
• Pray to know God’s calling for your life.  Read the Bible and pray without ceasing.  Confess any sins and prejudices, any greed or jealousy, any ungodly desires for power or audience, any ways in which you seek the approval of humans, and any things you do in order to avoid conflict even though it sacrifices the Church’s purity, power, and growth.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

This might seem like a no-brainer, but Christian men can still be real men without marriage.  They also can be true Christians.  In fact, in some areas of Christianity, one is considered a better Christian man if one is a celibate single man.  Like the Pope or priests.

If a man can be complete and Christian without some woman as his wife, why cannot a single woman be complete and Christian, too?

Nuns aren’t nuns because they couldn’t get a man, as if there’s a pun waiting to happen on the word none.  Nuns aren’t nuns so they can run away from their problems like Fraulein Maria in The Sound of Music.  Nuns become nuns because they adore Christ.  He is their perfect man, so to speak.

So the first of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is: A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.

OK, where’s that in the Bible, you might ask?

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Women bear the image of God.  At Creation, Eve bore it perfectly because that’s how God made her.  She was a complete woman, even before consummation of a marriage with Adam because she, like he, was created perfect.  Yes, they were perfect for each other, but more than that, they were perfect, period.  Sure, sin marred that image and it was no longer perfect, but in Christ we are forgiven and healed.

In Christ, women bear God’s image in a complete sense (fullness) awaiting final perfection (in heaven).

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ…2:6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. 9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

Christian women, living by faith in Christ, have been given fullness (i.e. completion) in Him. 

Are single women apart from Christ complete? 

I’d argue “No.”  Just as single men apart from Christ fail the completion test of being forgiven.  Without faith, not one of us is complete and none of the unforgiven are being made perfect.

Furthermore, I’d posit that one of the reasons why single women of the world have been troubled throughout the ages is that culture has made them to feel inferior.  This is not God’s doing.

Women who remained unmarried were historically dependent upon others financially whether on the graces of their parents or sent out to fend for themselves as the chronic poor, as beggars or prostitutes, or as those dependent upon the Church (which became a refuge for widows and orphans).  Dependence is humbling and implies a degree of being incomplete, imperfect, and wanting.  By definition, one who is dependent is not in control of one’s own destiny.

Men who had property ownership rights and inheritance privileges were in a position to feel independent, whereas in much of the Ancient Near East and in Western countries, women could not even earn their own livelihood in socially acceptable ways.  All of this is a bit of an illusion since we are all dependent upon God, in reality, and we are not “like God” with total independence and open eyes like the serpent said.

Genesis 3:4 “You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Independence from God is the source of many of our problems.

Therefore the urge to marry was biological in one sense and yet it became a socially acceptable alternative to being complete in Christ.  If a husband could provide, why depend on God?  Women looked to men to satisfy what only Christ can.

Dependence upon a Being one cannot see (God) is harder than dependence upon a being one can monitor (a husband).  And yet completion is not possible…with a man… the way it is from Christ.

Completion cannot be achieved through marriage, only through Christ.

Research:  Take some time to ponder the idea of Christ as the Church’s bridegroom with the idea of completion and perfection (using the Scriptures below).

• Isaiah 54:5
• Jeremiah 31:31-34
• Matthew 9:15
• Matthew 25:1-13
• John 3:27-36
• Revelation 19:6-8
• Revelation 21:9-14

The Apostle Paul writes:  1 Corinthians 7:8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 

Reflect:  If you’re single, ask yourself about desire for a husband and why.  If you’re married, ask yourself about where your trust is grounded, in your husband or in God.  Ask yourselves about whether you believe a Christian woman can be complete even if she is not married.

Respond:  If you’re a single or divorced woman, find your completion in being forgiven by Christ.  Pray and acknowledge your perfectly good desire for human companionship yet your wholehearted devotion to the perfect Man Jesus whether God ever brings an earthly “Mr. Right” into or back into your life.  Trust that God does love you–more than you realize now–and He knows how this all fits in His plan.  Bring your sadness to Him and ask Him to redeem it.  He is faithful.  Ask God for ways you can let your singleness be a powerful ministry tool for reaching others who need to find completion in Christ alone.  Maybe even pray that God will grow a sense of thankfulness in the places where you’re presently saddest.

If you’re a married woman, do a double check about who you’re trusting.  Pray and give thanks for the husband God has given you, whether your marriage feels like it’s rockin’ or on the rocks.  Pray for your husband and if he is presently in the unforgiven category, ask God to use your good behavior to help your helpmate to lay down the burden of total independence and to trust in Him.  It’s hard for men to view themselves apart from their problem-solving nature.  Depending on God is hard for them.  They need your prayers.

If you’re a pastor, revisit your church’s ministries.  Do they provide the kind of teachings that welcome singles, divorced, as well as married people with or without children?  What kind of affirmation can you give to all, teaching that completion in Christ is not restricted to the married with children?  If your ministries are family-focused, pray and ask God for ways you can hold onto the good without creating an environment of sadness for those who are missing that family component.  How might your messages teach that our views of identity need not be shaped so much by the shifting sands of culture as by the solid rock of God’s Word?

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I may be Seminary Gal, but I should start today’s offering with a bit of a disclaimer: I’m not a women’s pastor or even a person who particularly likes talking about so-called women’s issues.  I don’t do women’s ministry as my primary vocation because I don’t fit the mold.  I’m not fond of pink and I don’t decorate my website with the obligatory blurry sentimental photos with a rose or tulip, cursive print, or the color lavender, which is the new pink now that pink has been coopted by breast cancer with the entire month of October devoted to everything pink for men and women alike.

But this is one of those instances in which God wants me to write something and I really don’t want to do it.  If the signs are everywhere, and frankly they are, I must have something to say that will mean something to someone.  Perhaps a woman.

I’ve been thinking a lot about women’s identities lately because of my personal life.  I’m actually surprised at how little has changed since the 1980s when I found a new identity in motherhood.  I faced complicated decisions that I see other women still facing today.

Along the way from motherhood to the present, I became a Christian and have asked myself a million times over,

As a woman, who am I in Christ?”

The Bible does answer that, in rather succinct terms: beloved child of God.  It answers the question of identity in the strictest sense, but not so much in the manner of purpose or practical living.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve seen women enduring conflicted lives regarding their purpose.  Irrespective of choices made, we live with internal questioning and reevaluation, desires that are incompatible with other desires, choices that require prayer and too often none of those choices are ideal.  Some choices are made for us, against our understanding of what is best, against what we want, or even against what the Bible teaches with today’s culture and yesterday’s traditions at war against the eternal Word.

Even when we make the decisions that we believe are godly, right, and best, we face criticism—spoken and unspoken—from the culture, from other women, from family, and from other arenas that seek to encroach upon that sacred territory of personal freedom, moral imperative, cherished values, and living life for Christ.

It is no surprise that many women plod through their lives with a sense of pensive gloom, a cloud of depression hanging over their heads, or unable to find true joy in the mundane things of life.  Little wonder that Christian women ask themselves what it means to be a Christian woman and many look to women’s ministries for answers to the questions,

What is my identity and where is my purpose?”

There is hope.

Over the next few days, I’m going to share my questioning in the form of Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.  They are terms of love.
10. Women are meant to be the Lord’s maidservants and they bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Perhaps these are not the only ten.  They’re ten that are on my mind and maybe on yours, too.  They’re not in any particular order, but they are how they came to print on a page.  You may disagree with me in these and that’s alright.  I’d even like to hear from you if your viewpoint is something for me to consider.  For those of you who love women’s ministries, keep up the good work, and please find room in your hearts for those of us who really aren’t all that into them because we don’t fit the mold.  Sisters can stick together even if we’re different.

If you’ve ever felt like a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad woman, or a bad Christian because of your womanhood, there is hope.  Enjoy my graphic, complete with pink, and flowers, and cursive, too!– as my olive branch into women’s ministries– as we look at Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood.  Maybe pink and lavender aren’t all that bad.  And I like flowers.  Maybe I can do this… 

No matter where your politics take you, the Bible still speaks volumes into it.  Just a timely reminder that Christmas was necessary because people sin.  Cry out for Justice, knowing what that truly means, but always remember that Justice without a Savior would be something none of us wants.

Philippians 2:1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross! 9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Praise God for the birth of our Savior, Lord, and King! 

Let’s learn to forgive one another as we have been forgiven.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you,

your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins,

your Father will not forgive your sins.”

(A promise from Jesus in Matthew 6:14-15)

Every once in a while, God gives us a profound spiritual lesson in the form of juxtaposition, events of eerie similarity yet contrasting spiritual points by their very nature.

It happened when Mother Teresa died (5 September 1997) at around the same time as Princess Diana (31 August 1997).  The world grieved more at the loss of a beautiful princess and young mother of two who worked for the benefit of many secular charities than at the death of the spiritually beautiful Mother Teresa whose work among the lepers in India will be revealed by God someday as a lasting spiritual legacy of divine beauty.  The love of God in Christ Jesus had been shown in Mother Teresa’s daily actions of humility and service.  Were we right to grieve both?  Absolutely! 

The manner in which we grieved, however, spoke more about us and what humanity values than it did about them.

The same type of juxtaposition happened quite recently with the death of 18-year old Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO.  The facts of the story are still emerging, but he was technically unarmed (i.e. not in possession of his own gun), he was leaving a convenience store which he had just robbed of cigarillos commonly used for making blunts, he had marijuana in his system, and he was a towering 6’4” and weighed around 290 lbs.  He was shot 6 times by a uniformed policeman, Officer Darren Wilson, who happens to be white.  The grand jury will begin listening to the facts of Brown’s death and will make a determination whether this use of force merits an indictment and criminal charges against Wilson or whether it was justifiable in light of all the facts, many of which are still unknown to the public.

Brown’s death sparked riots and looting and venting of rage and charges of racism despite few facts being known.  Michael’s parents, Lesley McSpadden and Michael Brown, Sr., appeared on television with the Trayvon Martin attorney Benjamin Crump.   “We don’t want no violence,” Brown Sr. said. “Michael would have wanted no violence. We need justice for our son.”  http://www.ksdk.com/story/news/local/2014/08/11/michael-brown-parents-ben-crump-press-conference/13923007/

McSpadden pointed out that Michael was her firstborn son and then Crump, the family attorney said this:  “Their baby was executed in broad daylight,” he said. “Executed before he was a man. We will not be silent. We will stand up.”  Then, Crump asked if anyone has “any video evidence to please turn it over to law enforcement.”

Here’s the juxtaposition: 

James Foley, age 40, photojournalist, was in fact executed in broad daylight by ISIS militants.   He was the firstborn son of his parents, John and Diane Foley.  They appeared on television, too.  Their tribute for their son spoke powerfully about their son’s passion in life, saying “love and compassion had drawn her son to cover the plight of the people in Syria, which has been embroiled in a violent conflict for the past several years.” http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-james-foley-parents-pope-20140822-story.html

John and Diane Foley share the same last name and have 2 other children, Michael and Katie, also with the same last name.  No one has looted anything.  No charges of racial hatred toward Arabs, or even Islam, have boiled over into riots in the US.  The Tribune also reported that Pope Francis called family and expressed his condolences.  The Pope “said this week that Western countries would be justified in acting to stop the “unjust” aggression.”

The family continued to applaud the virtues of their son’s attitudes and behaviors in life saying,

Pope Francis, like Jesus, loves, like Jim. He understood Jim’s heart,” Diane Foley said of her son, who “was able to draw strength from prayer” during his capture….We must stand together,” Diane Foley said. “Good and love and all that is free in the world must be together to fight the evil and the hatred.”

 Two young men, one 18 and one 40.  Neither to see the fullness of days.  They both died too young.

Two families with siblings, but both the deceased were their family’s firstborn sons.

That’s what’s common.

What’s the juxtaposition?

One was black.  One was white.  But that’s not the point.

One had just committed a robbery.  One was engaging in his life’s work and was kidnapped twice in the process.

One, we’re told, had justifiable reason to have rage and a deep mistrust of authority because of American institutional racism.  The other had justifiable reason to be afraid and mistrustful because he was singled out for beatings and mock executions because he was an American, but chose to continue with his moral imperative to help others by communicating to the world their plight.

One family showed up on TV with a lawyer demanding “justice” though they do not know the facts.  One family showed up on TV praising their son’s devotion to doing good and pleading for good and love and freedom to fight evil and hatred.

One family had Rev. Al Sharpton come to the scene and even to participate in Monday’s funeral as the racial divide became more pronounced.  Articles surfaced everywhere about white privilege and white abuse of power and how racist whites are, even so far as to refer to racism as genocide, posing for photos on Time Magazine’s cover as re-enacting the killing, “hands up don’t shoot” and stand up and don’t be silent.  One thing the Rev. Al Sharpton did not do among all his fundraising and voter registration is to preach Jesus, unity in Christ, or His peace that passes all understanding.   One family stood tall and talked of the beautiful person their son was, pleaded for the national community to stand together, drawing their personal strength from prayer.

One family sunk to sensationalism with a lawyer who is out to make a name for himself, calling Michael Brown’s killing an execution to enflame emotions.  One family rose to the occasion and preached love.  Understandably they are reticent about referring to how their son died (which was in fact and in every sense of the word an execution) and instead they pray for the international community to come together so that others still held for ransom do not suffer the same fate as their son, Jim.

One family demands a video and their supporters want all police to be wearing video cameras at all times.  One family probably wants to put out of their minds that a video of their son’s beheading ever surfaced on the Internet, and that others have seen it probably weighs heavy on their hearts.  A video is no consolation for them.

Why do I bring up this juxtaposition?  Because one family was black and one was white?  No.  Because it tells a lot about us as Americans.  Perhaps we’d all be wise to ask ourselves about these things:

1. In what ways does white privilege or black rage communicate a judgment about others and what their lives must be like?
2. If I were to have white guilt (yes, I am white), or if I were to either regret or revel in white privilege, what does that communicate about my view of my Creator?  What about my view of Who owns everything and only asks that we be wise and loving stewards of what He has given us and asks us to seek ways to bless others?
3. Why do Christians happily stand in a corner with Rev. Al Sharpton (who does not preach Jesus only justice), or go to march in protests even when they don’t know the facts?  Does doing some “hands up don’t shoot” for 15 minutes of fame on camera make it true, and if it’s a lie, does either personal fame or falsehood honor Christ?  Or rather, does fanning flames of hatred dishonor His Name?  What do you think God’s view is of pastors, and yes Christians, who do this kind of thing?
4. What is the root cause of unhappiness in the black community?  What about the root cause of unhappiness in the white community?
5. Which will serve a person better when problems happen: the strength of faith in Christ, or faith in the political process?
6. What role does the truth serve?  What about love?  How do we know Truth and Love?
7. If faith, hope, and love are three prominent Christian virtues, what are bitterness, rage, and resentment?
8. Why are so many people willing to believe that our law enforcement (servants of the public interest) are evil and yet many are still not willing to call ISIS evil?  Can evil actually be subdued or contained or must it be defeated?  What did Jesus say?  What did Jesus do?  What’s He going to do when He returns?
9. Letting angry people loot innocent people’s stores (repeat, innocent people’s stores) happened.  Does giving angry people room to vent their rage against innocent people encourage lawless personally self-indulgent behavior, or does it bring glory to God?
10. Why has race become political at all–especially for Christians–when the Bible doesn’t make it that way?

I could think of a million more questions about race, mistrust, love, faith, frauds, saints, etc.  Because when God gives us such a powerful contrast, we’re wise to ponder why.  Take these life events and look deep beneath the surface for root values that the Bible calls us to develop in the Christian life…and then, take a really good look at what the Bible says about perpetuating divisions, anger, and any bitter root.  The world cannot be expected to appreciate this, but Christians beware, every minute of your walk with God is being recorded, not with a video, but in the book of Life.

Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.

Why Bother to Pray?

Message preached by Barbara Shafer at Advocate Condell Medical Center on April 27, 2014

Ephesians 3:7-21

We’re beginning a new sermon series today entitled Prayer: More than Just Conversation with God. 

I wanted to do a series on this because prayer is simultaneously one of the most important things Christians can do, one of the most misunderstood things Christians do, one of the most frustrating and discouraging practices for many of us resulting in some of the greatest insecurities a Christian can experience, and yet, it is the most powerful thing we can do this side of heaven.

As a people, we really don’t pray enough. 

And it’s easy enough to see why. 

First off, we have performance anxiety.  In public prayer, other people pray better than we do.  They pray longer.  They insert Bible verses they’ve memorized.  They are good at praying and aren’t at all nervous about it.  Their words flow like milk and honey and ours?  Well, we stutter and sound stupid.  We can sound like the baby who is just learning to speak.  Or like that song by The Police, De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da (That’s All I Want to Say to You).  We don’t put Bible verses in there because even if we remember most of it, what if we goof up?  We’ll sound even worse.  So some of us refuse to pray in public, maybe even making the avoidance of performance anxiety sound holier.  “Oh, I believe it’s important to pray in my prayer closet where no one hears but God…since I pray best silently.”  Place halo <here>.

But for those of us who don’t pray publically, we still have performance anxiety about praying even privately.  Am I showing enough faith?  Am I doing it right?  I never get the answer I want so why should I do more than a lick and a prayer?

Then there’s the dozing off.  We fall asleep while praying and it kind of defeats the purpose of praying if we keep nodding off…unless we’re doing it to fall asleep.  Which if I’m honest with you, sometimes I do that.  When my mind is going a million miles an hour…or when I’m afraid, I will pray.  It calms me down and I can fall asleep.  I think God kind of likes that.  I am resting in His hand and this is how it’s supposed to be.  I think He prefers my resting in Him than trying to be like Atlas with the world on my shoulders.

But here’s a second reason we really don’t pray like we should: We also have an amazing group of resources at our disposal.  Why pray to God for our daily bread when we can go to the grocery store and get food?  Why pray for God to heal you when you can go to 24 hour walk-in clinic, see the doctor and get healed?  We can go to the car dealer and get the car we want without asking God for it.  In effect, as long as we ARE our own gods, we don’t need to bother the Big Guy except when our own efforts are failing us.  He’s kind of our last resort, the God in our back pocket in case we need Him.

Thirdly, how many of us don’t bother to pray like we should because we don’t find it to be a fruitful use of our time.  God already knows what we want so why pray?  Does He just want us to come groveling to Him?  Is He like the parent in the sky saying, “Now what are the magic words?”  To which we respond, “Please” or “Thank you!”

We should pray more and the reasons are many.  Let’s explore my Top 7 Reasons why prayer matters.  Let’s answer the question, “Why Bother to Pray?”

Reason #1: Prayer equips us for work. 

Ephesians 3: 7 I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of his power. 8 Although I am less than the least of all God’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, 9 and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.   

We often hear said that God doesn’t give us tasks for which He expects us to fail.  Or that God won’t call us to a place where He will not equip us to get there.  Prayer equips us for work.  Jesus prayed before choosing the 12 disciples.  He prayed before performing miracles of multiplying loaves and fishes.  He prayed before going to the Cross.

We can pray about the work God calls us to do.  Not only the religious work (like evangelism, worship singing, preaching, or Bible study), but just the work of relationship, period.  Relationships take work, sometimes lots of it.  But when we pray for our children, our parents, our siblings, our friends, our neighbors, and yes, even our enemies, prayer equips us to marshal not only our own power, but God’s help in accomplishing the overall work of relationships.  Jesus knew that.  It’s why He said in Matthew 5:44

But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.”

God equips us for the work we do vocationally too.  God does not call all people to pastoral ministry, but He does give each of us a mission field.  Maybe your mission field is a needy neighbor to whom you can be a friend.  Maybe your mission field is your workplace where you attend meetings and glow as a witness by the way you avoid office politics and are winsome in each and every instance.  Whatever your mission field is, God wants you to blossom in it.  Prayer helps you by equipping you with patience, love, and stamina for the tough work of relationships.

Reason #2:  Prayer shows the wisdom of God to a watching world. 

Ephesians 3:10 His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, 11 according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God never intended that Christians would hide in little prayer groups and only put on their Christian faces when around churchy people.  God’s intent is that it would show.

Luke 11:33 “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light.”

God wants not only those who are believers to see your Christian light.  He wants the Church as a gathering of millions of brightly lit candles to witness to everyone on earth.  And everyone in the spiritual realm.  Because if the spiritual realm is real and I believe it is…because depression exists…then when we pray, we are pointing to God every time we pray and the devil and his minions quake at that.  Look at this witness!

Mark 5:9 Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” 10 And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area. 11 A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. 12 The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them.” 13 He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned. 14 Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. 15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 16 Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man– and told about the pigs as well. 17 Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region.”

Prayer makes people on earth and spirits sit up and take notice.  They don’t always like it, but it witnesses because prayer points to God and displays His dominion over everything.

Reason #3: Prayer is a privilege, not a chore.

Ephesians 3:12 In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. 13 I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory. 14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.

Prayer isn’t just a chore to be done like taking out the garbage or mowing the grass or laundry.  Like some task that those of us who are task oriented hate…the cyclical chore that no sooner do you get it done that it’s time to do it again.  Laundry.  Dishes.  Mowing the grass.  Repeat.

When you stop to think about what a privilege it is to speak with God, it’s not really tedious at all.  We have freedom, Paul says.  And confidence!  We don’t have to worry about God beating us up over stuff.  It’s not like Divine Whack-a-Mole where we bring our prayers and our shortcomings and failures up to God and then He beats us down.

In fact, the opposite is true.  In prayer, God restores us to the place that Adam and Eve were before they fell from grace.  God restores us to that place of continual refreshment, that continual peace, that fullness of life, that living water that Jesus talks about.  We won’t thirst ever again if we know the source of life and the freedom God gives us to seek it.  How does this happen?

Reason #4: Prayer strengthens us.   

Ephesians 3: 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

Let’s face it: life on earth is exhausting.  It’s discouraging.  It’s overwhelming.  But prayer cuts through all that.

God’s Holy Spirit is our advocate.  He strengthens us and encourages us in accordance with God’s will so that we aren’t fighting against the stream but running with it.  We’re not flying into a head wind, but soaring with His wind beneath our wings.  Trying to do things our way can make us very tired.  Letting God strength, equip and empower us makes life less of a burden.

John 14:26 “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.”

Not just what He teaches us though, or what He reminds us of, but also the Helper encourages us when we’re feeling low.  Because if God is for us, who can be against us?  Which brings me to the next reason:

Reason #5: Prayer reorients us to God’s magnificence.  To see things from God’s perspective.

Ephesians 3:17b And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge– that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

In his book on prayer, Philip Yancey says prayer is the way God satisfies our deepest longing for relationship with our Creator.  That prayer is where two lines intersect—the line of wondering “why God doesn’t act the way we want God to” and the line of “why I don’t act the way God wants me to.  Prayer is the precise point where those themes converge.”

When I see God’s magnificence in the larger universe and in the tiniest details of the human DNA, I am likely to have my prayers focused away from me and toward Him.    Prayer calls us higher, to transcend the insignificant small stuff we sweat on a daily basis, the temporal things that will pass with time, the petty problems we can get so wrapped up in…and prayer calls us to commune with the God who made the universe and whose strength and power keeps it all in order.

Prayer pierces through our priorities and causes us to consider what is truly significant in this life.

We can pour ourselves into the things that matter and not waste ourselves on priorities God does not hold out there for us.  How much energy we waste worrying!  How much energy we waste fearing the future!  How much energy we waste pouring good actions into a black hole of unproductivity!  Instead, we should know the 6^th good reason to pray:

Reason #6:  Prayer plugs us into God’s power.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

A toaster sitting on the counter unplugged won’t even accept bread these days.  We push the button down and it pops right back up.  It won’t even try to toast.  But plug it into the power source and suddenly the bread is toast.

Coming to God in prayer unleashes God’s power in our lives.  We become plugged in and the tasks we couldn’t do on our own get done by His power.

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Why?  Not because of the pray-er but because of the prayer to the One who has the power.  Prayer is the plug that connects us to our power source.  And finally my 7^th reason among many that are reasons why we should bother to pray, and which may be the most important:

Reason #7:  Prayer brings glory to God because we are rightly related to Him in prayer.

We are living with a gap in our lives that stands between us and the power of God.  Prayer fills that gap because God hears our prayers through the work that Jesus Christ did…giving us freedom to approach the throne of grace boldly. To gain the power that we need to do the work He called us to do.

Before Jesus went to the Cross, He prayed to His Father in heaven saying,

I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” (John 17:4)

God is glorified when we, too, complete the work He has designed for us.  Few things are more powerful than a life well-lived for Christ.

“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” (John 15:8)

Prayer brings glory to God by showing us to be Jesus’ disciples.

Yes, prayer is so much more than just conversation with God.  And there are many good reasons to pray.

1. Pray when you’re facing the impossible task, Prayer will equip you for work.
2. Pray when God gives you opportunities to show the way or to resist the discouragement of the devil. Prayer shows the wisdom of God to a watching world.
3. Pray as if you fully realize that it is a privilege, not a chore.
4. Pray when you need strength or healing and you’ll find yourself strengthened.
5. Pray to get some perspective, and reorient yourself to God’s magnificence.  The little stuff won’t seem so big when you see it in God’s hands.
6. Pray to find yourself plugged into God’s power. 
7. And know that when you pray, you bring glory to Him…which may be the most beautiful reason of all. 

Let’s pray…

When Leaders Fail Us

For the second time in my life, I’ve been watching from the periphery as a pastor I admired has resigned over moral failings.  Having learned some lessons about how to handle things when leaders fail us, I thought it might be helpful to share these lessons with those who may be struggling to reconcile their feelings about leadership failures.

Let’s face it: leaders fail us all the time. 

It’s harder when the leaders are church leaders as compared to business or political leaders.  The reason it’s harder is that church leaders are supposed to stand for God, speak to us on His behalf, teach us what the Word says, and to model what godly living is all about.  Moral failings cut to the heart of each of those functions.

Fraud versus Flawed: When religious leaders fail us, we must distinguish between a leader being flawed and one who is a fraud.  Satan (and yes, I believe he’s real) relishes both the flawed and the fraud leaders who fail us.

A fraud is someone who is not and has not been a Christ-follower at all.  A wolf in sheep’s clothing.  A false teacher.  The frauds of this world fake it for the sake of personal gain and power.  (2 Peter 2:1 But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them– bringing swift destruction on themselves. 2 Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. 3 In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.)  Satan likes leaders who teach wrong things and cause us to believe lies about God.  The false teacher, the false prophet, and the leader who is a fraud can carry many people down a path of lies.

But when a leader fails us, it doesn’t mean that person has been a fraud. 

It means he or she has been flawed. 

All leaders are flawed in some manner or another.  We all sin and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).  Being flawed doesn’t make us frauds.  It makes us human.  That said, claiming humanity will not excuse what we have done, but it will illuminate the process going forward.  We cannot hit the rewind button on our lives and get a do-over, but we can hit stop or pause and make different decisions, ones that honor God for the future.

Satan likes flawed leaders because it’s the easiest way of stopping the forward progress of the church.  Target one, take down many.  The bigger the target, the greater the take-down.  If Satan can get us disillusioned with one another in the church, particularly leaders–because we’re all flawed–it can get us down the same path of lies.  It can convince us that Christians are nothing but a pack of liars, cheats, and hypocrites.  That is the lie Satan wants us to believe because the only thing Satan hates almost as much as he hates God is Jesus’ Church (because it belongs to God).   What flawed leaders ought to teach us is that God’s grace is greater than all our sin.

It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. (1 Timothy 1:15).

Consequences of Fraud and Flawed:  The consequence of being a fraud, refusing to repent, and denying God is ultimately destruction.  Being an unrepentant false teacher is a dangerous place to be.  The accountability one pays for preaching a different gospel than the one handed down to us is severe because the punishment is commensurate with the number of people led astray.  The bigger the ministry following, the greater the fall because the same number of people you could have blessed (if you had been telling the truth) is the same number you harm when you’re a fraud and lead others straight into sin.

Being simply flawed has consequences too.  King David was flawed, fell from grace, yet he repented and we are reminded that he was still called a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22).  This doesn’t mean that he didn’t experience consequences to his sins, however.

Genuine leaders must have authority, credibility, and authenticity. 

Falling from grace removes those three important characteristics and therefore the leader must relinquish the position of leadership.  God can restore authority and credibility and even authenticity over time.  But one cannot continue to lead effectively and for the sake of the Church, the leader must resign.  The Church must accept this and not try to reinstitute the fallen leader before God has fully restored those 3 functions of authority, credibility, and authenticity.  Many fallen leaders will never be restored to a ministry position.  Some parishioners, including quite a few seminary professors and theologians, believe a ministry leader who falls can never be restored to a place of leadership.

I remember the first time I was forced to confront my feelings on this as a parishioner.  I was sitting in the balcony of a mid-size church’s sanctuary.  You could have heard a pin drop in the silence of the moments before the pastor confessed openly.  I was in seminary at the time and the Holy Spirit made it very clear that the Christian’s response to this is prayer, forgiveness, grace, justice, and steadfastness.

That could just as easily be you,” the Holy Spirit admonished, as God caused me to think deeply about this topic.

You see, no one wakes up in the morning and decides willingly to fall from grace, but rather the decision typically takes the form of a million drops of water that fill the bucket and the accumulated weight eventually tips the scale.  One drop makes the difference between a bucket known only to you and God…and a spilled bucket suddenly being known to everyone else.  Both you and God have known since the first drop dripped.   In some cases, however, we are so self-preoccupied and self-deceived we are not even aware of the first drop until after it happens.  Sin is insidious in that way.

The responses of the parishioner facing a leader’s fall from grace should include prayer, forgiveness, grace, justice, and steadfastness.

Pray that God will protect the person who fell from grace and his/her family from hatred and condemnation.  Pray that God will preserve the family unit and comfort each of them as they grieve the consequences of sin.  Pray for their marriage if they were married.  Pray for their extended families (children, parents, siblings, etc.) since it can be humiliating to admit that your parents or children, brothers or sisters, fell into sin.  Pray that betrayal doesn’t turn to bitterness.  Pray for the leadership of the church that remains behind.  Pray that the leadership remnant will seek God’s direction to fill the void and be patient while God works His miracle of healing.  Pray that people will not abandon the faith on account of it.  Pray against the evil one (Satan) and any havoc he might want to gain.  Pray that no one among the parishioners will have a stumbling block to their faith.  Pray that the witness of the church will be holiness (not whitewashing the sin), truth (admitting the failings and the process for dealing with them), and restorative (since even sin we regret cannot separate a man or woman from the love of God).  Pray that unbelievers can see the unconditional love and unmerited favor of God in the church as people talk and respond, and that God can redeem even this to His glory. Pray that the sheep will not be scattered.  Pray that God will bring glory to Himself in each person’s reaction.

Forgiveness is another response parishioners must have.  Forgiveness is not saying the sin did not happen or that it did not matter, but admitting the sin in all its destructiveness and then demonstrating the kind of forgiveness that God has shown to us.  Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”  Forgiveness will be among the greatest witnesses to the unbelieving population in the midst of this tragedy.  It will show that Christians aren’t perfect and that Christians aren’t sinless, but that Christians stand powerfully in the complete forgiveness of Christ, washed clean by His blood.

Grace is another response that parishioners will be wise to demonstrate.  It goes beyond forgiveness and adds blessing.  Grace is what God has shown to us and it is what we must show toward the sinner.  It likewise is a great witness.  How can the Christian show grace in these times?  Christians can send cards of encouragement to the sinner and let him/her know that prayers of support are ongoing.  Christians can provide meals or financial assistance to the family if there is hardship now that the leader’s employment is gone as a direct result of sin.  Parishioners can give emotional support and friendship if jail time is involved (both visiting in prison and being a friend to the family members).  Grace is also evident when those in the leadership remnant look out for the welfare of the weakest of the faith.  Grace gathers the scattered sheep and binds their wounds.  It is being very sensitive to how events like this can further wound the already wounded.  Ezekiel 34:16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak.

Justice.  Grace and justice go hand in hand, however.  God will accomplish justice.  Grace does not stand in the way of genuine justice.  Ezekiel 34:16 “I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.”  Justice says that punishments outlined by law are followed.  Restitution to those harmed must be paid.  Damage to other people must be resolved.  Grace triumphs.  Justice is done.  In part, this is why leaders must resign and why parishioners must accept it–even if the leader was popular and beloved.  Difficult as the days ahead may be without that leader, it is justice that demands that we orient ourselves toward holiness.  The remnant of leadership will need your loving-kindness, encouragement, support, and above all, your prayers in order to stand firm and resolute toward God’s holiness.

Steadfastness.  A fifth response that parishioners can have is steadfastness.  Be on the lookout for those who are disillusioned and being scattered.  Befriend them and bring them back in.  It is a way of thwarting Satan’s purposes in all this evil.  Support those in the remnant leadership by not abandoning the church in search of another “better” church.  All churches have sinners.  Apart from Jesus Christ, the true Head of the Church, all church leaders are sinners.  There are many reasons to leave a church (e.g. moving out of the area, unfaithful teachings or unfaithful use of the body of Christ, God’s calling you to a place of employing your gifts for His glory, etc.).  Leaving a church because of one leader’s moral failings must be very carefully considered because it communicates things about your spiritual life.  It points to whether you were at the church because of Jesus or because of the leader.  It points to who you were worshiping.  It points to putting leaders on pedestals as if leaders are superior or demi-gods.  It also reflects your understanding of judgment, grace, and forgiveness.  Other people will watch your decision and—whether in or outside of the church—your steadfastness or lack of it will say much about your view of Jesus and His Church.  Leaving a church is a theologically powerful statement about you.  Leaving the church period is a victory for Satan.

If you’re currently grieving a leader’s fall from grace, it’s helpful to know that a fall like this doesn’t happen in isolation.  Everyone will feel the effects of it and will wrestle through it.  The insult that hits one part of the body of Christ affects it all.  1 Corinthians 12:26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

At times like this, the Good Shepherd will shepherd His flock and ensure that Satan doesn’t get the last word.  The leadership remnant left behind will be in good hands.  God will not forsake His Church.  Be sure to take time to gather the scattered.  Pray and remain faithful.  In time, God will restore the community and healing will occur.  We can assist the healing process by our actions during these difficult times.  Historically the Church grows the most when it is under assault.  Therefore, let’s do our best to ensure that God will be glorified in our choices and may His presence be seen in our actions.

Fallen leaders must confess, repent, and resign.  A time for restoration and repentance will be part of the healing they will need as they seek reconciliation with God and with a family who feels betrayed.

Parishioners are wise to love one another by praying, offering forgiveness, showing grace, accepting justice, and promoting steadfastness.  This is a good way forward when leaders fail us.

Human leaders will fail us from time to time, but God is bigger than any of our failings.  His forgiveness is bigger, His grace is wider, and His love is deeper than problems of moral failings, even in the church.  Furthermore, the Church is His.  We belong to Him and He will purify us and make us into a presentable Bride for the King of Glory.  Inwardly we groan and that great day of salvation may seem to be slow in coming from our standpoint, but God is the leader we can always trust…even when human leaders fail us.