Undeniable Truth #4 of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is

“Once a mother, Always a mother.”

This is very much a double-edged truth.  It is both beautiful and poignant. And it’s a truth no one can prepare the mother for …before she becomes a mother and knows it by experience.

First the poignant and sadder side:  The truth that “Once a mother, Always a mother” is a strange reassurance for some of us.  We hope to see our children in heaven and trust that they will know we were family on earth.  However, it doesn’t make the pain go away for those of us who have outlived our children.  Women who have miscarried or endured the sadness surrounding stillbirth, women whose children have been afflicted with illness that robs them of life way too young, women whose children were killed at war, and women who have endured prodigal children who break our hearts, we know that truth of “Once a mother, Always a mother” … by the void … left behind.  We will always be mothers even if our children are no longer here.   I’d like to believe we have a special place in the heart of God for the unique kind of suffering this presents.  After all, He knows it by Adam’s rebellion/sin and by the crucifixion of God’s Son Jesus (at the age of 33) to make reconciliation with rebellious Adam even possible.

Jesus’ own mother Mary knew what it was like to have her son Jesus die.  Yet the Bible says she found favor with God and also this:

For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.”  (Luke 1:48)

From this time on.  Wow.  How many people would consider Mary’s watching her son Jesus be crucified as blessing?

It sure doesn’t feel anything like blessing to those of us who have endured this side of “Once a mother, Always a mother.”  Our bodies have experienced chemical changes, maybe even our physical shapes remain changed long after giving birth.  We hear things differently, any baby’s cry is simultaneously alerting us to a child’s needs but also reminding us that a cry equals life (even if the sadness our life experiences have included no cry or an agonizing cry of a child in pain, the tears signaling a premature end to our child’s life).

“Once a mother, Always a mother” can be profoundly positive too!

For some of us, in the positive sense, “Once a mother, Always a mother” means that even into adulthood, our kids still call us to ask advice, or to help wrestle through problems (and not just ones involving math and homework assignments).  It’s reassuring, in a sense, to know our kids still want to talk to us or value our listening ear and counsel.  Inculcating beliefs is part of a mother’s role when we take seriously “Once a mother, Always a mother” and to know our kids care what we think is a very good thing!   That’s how it was in the life of Timothy, as the Apostle Paul records:

For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5)

Then there’s the issue of responsibility in “Once a mother, Always a mother.”

We worry about our children and care what happens to them, long after they leave the nest.  Whether this essay today is bordering on mere fact and admission or repentance and confession, sometimes motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We experience conflicted feelings as this Huffington Post article discusses.   I look at my own two living children and see them as adults in their own right.  I am now a grandmother, too, and praise God for a healthy grandson.  But motherhood hasn’t been rainbows and unicorns all the time.  There have been times I’ve been my best version of myself well on my way to “Mother of the Year.”  But truth be told, there have been many, many times I know I have not come close to a nomination, holding the motherhood football and ending up sacked past the 50 yard line toward the other end of the spectrum maybe labeled “Mother from Hell.”

 Once a mother, Always a mother” emphasizes the fact that there are no do-overs.  Ever.  When it comes to children.

Every day that goes by is a day I will not get back to try to be a better mom.  The mother I’ve been is the mother my children will always know, one who has been full of flaws and best-efforts-gone-awry.  Hopefully plenty of good memories of love, too.  No amount of good grandmothering as a sadder but wiser Christian now erases my performance of motherhood or atones for my non-Christian years or my unchristian behavior at times.

I wish I’d known Jesus before I knew motherhood.  And that’s the truth.

Research:

Matthew 12:46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Mark 3:20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” 22 And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, “He is possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” 23 So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: “How can Satan drive out Satan? 24 If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man. Then he can rob his house. 28 I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. 29 But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.” 30 He said this because they were saying, “He has an evil spirit.” 31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” 33 “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. 34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!

John 2:1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 4 “Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.

John 19: 25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. 28 Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

 Reflect:

• Was Jesus being rude to His mother by saying His disciples were His mother?  What was Jesus’ point?
• Was Mary wrong to have involved Jesus in the wine shortage?  Why did Jesus go ahead and instruct the servants?
• Was Jesus wrong to have sent His mother Mary along with John instead of insisting upon her returning to Mary’s other children with Joseph?  What made John more suitable?
• What does it mean to  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)?

Respond:

If you’re a mother, praise God for your children and consider them a blessing.  Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD; The fruit of the womb is a reward.”  Treat every day with them as a special gift and do your best to model love and faith.  Know there is grace for the times we all fail.  God loves us as His children and loves all His children more than we ever could.

If your mother is still living, thank God for her.  Be reconciled to her if estrangement has existed between you and her.  Let her know you value the relationship.  Maybe today.  Don’t wait for the obligatory Mother’s Day expectation.

If your mother is no longer alive on earth, consider the heavenly hope that, for those of us who know Jesus as Lord and Savior, we will see our loved ones in heaven.  I believe we will be aware of our relationships from earth even if we will be recast as brothers and sisters.

If you’ve never been a mother in a biological sense and that is a source of sadness for you, consider that Paul was a “father” to Timothy who was his true son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2) and he could also say in 1 Corinthians 4:15 “For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.” Your children can be those you lead to faith in Christ.  You can be a mother to them.

If you’re a pastor, consider doing your part not to reinforce the expectations of perfection or of motherhood.  Be aware that Mother’s Day is among the most painful days of the year for many women.  As a Hallmark holiday, we can focus on sonhood and daughterhood and honor all mothers in that way.  While motherhood has the potential for division and pain, the command “Honor your father and mother” is definitely biblical and grows us all in God-honoring ways.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I’d like to proclaim freedom for women who have no children.  Freedom from judgment.  Freedom from guilt.  Freedom from feelings of inferiority and feelings of being “less than” simply because one is not a mother.

Freedom from sadness is one I’d like to proclaim too, but in truth I know how deeply this issue touches women at their very core.  One of the most painful things for many women has been the unfortunate and insensitive conflating of womanhood with motherhood.  We’ll cover motherhood later as a social good, but it’s important that we do not reduce a woman’s role in this world to simply any baby’s incubator.

That’s how I arrived at #3 in the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.

For women whose life experiences include death of the unborn, infertility, or being unmarried and without children, the whole ticking biological clock idea in order for one to be a good Christian woman is among the most hurtful concepts out there.  It’s time we dispensed with that ill-gotten notion, one that is actually a very negative by-product of a very good idea: that women and men are not alike and we have complementary roles.  Men cannot birth children.  And that’s a fact of biology.

That said, God created women to be fully complete individuals before He ever gave the first pregnancy.  Interestingly and importantly, the order is Creation, Blessing, Fall, Punishment, and then conception. 

In the Bible, conception never occurred in the perfect world before sin (which poses really interesting theological hypotheticals, what ifs, and propositions all by itself).  Pregnancy happened for the first time after being banished from Eden.

Genesis 4:1 Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”

Frankly, Cain didn’t turn out so well.

Genesis 4:25 Adam lay with his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth, saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.” 26 Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh. At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD.  Genesis 5:1 This is the written account of Adam’s line. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. 2 He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them “man.” 3 When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. (italics added)

It took 130 years for Adam to have a son in his own likeness, not in perfection’s likeness.

So what did Eve do during the 130 years of time between creation and Seth?

I don’t think it’s a stretch or unbiblical to suggest that as Adam’s suitable helper, she was likely doing the same things Adam was doing, things that were in the blessing God gave to His equal image bearers:  Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Eve was a complete woman long before she was a mom.  She was ruling and subduing alongside Adam before she was increasing in number and filling the earth.  Complete womanhood involves filling the earth with God’s image by her increasing display of God’s image over time and by spreading God’s wisdom over His creation by virtue of time spent serving God as well!  This is something women can do whether they are married or unmarried, and mothers or not.

This is an image of completeness and filling.  Complete womanhood!  It could not be clearer that fertility produces a different level of increase and more potential for completeness, not the only way.  Yes, fertile motherhood fills the earth numerically but here’s the key:

for mankind to fill the earth with God’s image still requires men and women to operate in the other areas of blessing, those of leadership and stewardship…because fertility only changes numbers, not hearts.

Research:

Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful [plural] and increase [plural]  in number; fill [plural] the earth and subdue [plural] it. Rule [plural] over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Italics and [plural] notations added)

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3: 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you [masculine singular] ?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 11 And he said, “Who told you [masculine singular] that you [masculine singular] were naked? Have you [masculine singular] eaten from the tree that I commanded you [masculine singular] not to eat from?” 12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me– she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” 14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” 16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”  17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.”

Reflect:

• What difference does it make that the ruling and subduing involved in the blessing of Genesis 1:26-28 was both together (them) and individual (male and female)?
• Prior to the fall of man, one flesh-togetherness characterized man and woman in Creation.  Eve was created as a suitable helper, not as a wife or mother.  In heaven, women will not be wives or mothers.  We will be sisters working together with our brothers as a team.  How does the idea of male and female as children of God form a more accurate pattern for eternity?
• As Eve could not be 2 women at once, God gave her the role of wife and mother in order to fulfill the blessing of fertility and increase.  Scripture says, Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  Which father and mother were Adam leaving?  Or is this an explanation for later marriages offered by the narrator?
• In the plan and scope of Creation, why was it necessary that some female of each species experience fertility?  How does this relate to the blessing of increase?
• After the fall, how did God punish both Adam and Eve?  Infertility is a consequence of the fall experienced by both men and women.  If fertility was the blessing for perfect image bearers, how is infertility a reality of brokenness?  Why does our culture put so much the sadness of infertility on women? No one knows exactly what “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children” means.  Emotional pain? Physical pain?  Probably yes, both.  But infertility, too, because the blessing was subjected to brokenness, it was never withdrawn.  We grieve the loss of the perfect blessing.
• In what ways does the Church’s insistence on–and elevation of–marriage and motherhood as the only suitable roles for women heap sadness upon women who have already experienced their share when single manhood and infertile men still have value to the Church apart from children?  How does this communicate that women are not equal image bearers?
• In the flow of redemption, why was it necessary that Eve did not birth children before the fall of man?  What would have happened to a child (born or unborn) in terms of punishment if only Adam and Eve ate?

Respond:

• If you’re a man, take another prayerful look at your theology and ask yourself if you hold married/mothers and unmarried or infertile women to a totally different yardstick than married/fathers and unmarried/infertile men.  Is a man just as much of a man to you if he’s single without children?  Is he a threat in your ministry?  If you’re using different yardsticks, prayerfully consider what the “Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven” would look like among brothers and sisters.  If there is no marriage in heaven, ask yourself whether marriage is the model or if siblings in the family of our heavenly Father would provide a better pattern.
• If you’re a woman, be encouraged that you can be a fellow worker in the Lord, like the ones Paul commended in Romans 16:1-16 –women who contended for the Gospel along with Paul.  Importantly with women like Phoebe whom Paul sends with the masterpiece of Paul’s clearest theology of salvation.  She was a sister, a servant, a missionary, and a leader doing her role in filling the earth with God’s image.  There is no word or indication of her marital or reproductive status.
• And if you’re a pastor, find ways to encourage women to be Phoebes in your ministry without sending them to the Women’s Ministry book club, Women’s Bible study, Beth Moore conference, or the nursery.  Some of us aren’t made that way and we bring glory to Christ in the same ruling and subduing function Eve had long before motherhood.  God never removed the blessing from women, or changed His view of complete womanhood, even if He did establish a undeniable structure for marital harmony.  God didn’t remove His blessing from men and He didn’t remove it from women.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

As we continue looking at the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood, we come to the second one: No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood. No man knows.

I’m rather sick of John Piper’s view of womanhood.  There.  I said it.

Men who profess to tell women what womanhood is aren’t telling you the total truth.  Because they don’t know what it really is, by experience.  By analogy, a person who has read the whole Bible and can recite it from memory isn’t a Christian unless he has the personal experience of Christ.  Knowing is a word of intimacy and experience, not just book knowledge.  Womanhood, like Christian, is a word of BE-ing, a word of experience.

John Piper and Wayne Grudem (two renowned examples for those of you who have been spared these theological men who tell theological women what they can do) have written many good things and I have enjoyed their perspectives on all kinds of theological points.  I own their books.  I like their theology overall, but both have done a great disservice to God’s maidservants by speaking theory as if it’s reality.  They assert dogma instead of leaving the interpretation with God in One-on-one ministry to Christian women who have the Holy Spirit, just as Christian men do.

The idea that Christian women cannot be theologically trained to read the Bible accurately, to hear the Shepherd’s voice clearly, and to respond to the Holy Spirit in total obedience by doing what Drs. Piper and Grudem personally disapprove of is silly. It doesn’t make Christian women wrong or sinful.

One of my favorite scenes from The Return of the King, the final of the original trilogy of The Lord of the Rings has a scene lots of women like.  I’m not really into orcs and battles, but when Éowyn, a noblewoman/shield-maiden of Rohan (who sneaks into the battle by disguise) slices off the head of the Nazgûl which was ready to feed on her uncle’s flesh while he still lives, we all cheer her heroic actions.

Then Éowyn’s dialogue continues with the Witch King of Angmar as King Théoden, Éowyn’s uncle, lies dying:

• The Witch King of Angmar:   Pathetic warrior!
• Éowyn of Rohan:   I will kill you if you touch him!
• The Witch King of Angmar:   Kill me! Thou fool! No living man can slay me!
• Éowyn of Rohan:   I am no man! You look upon a woman!
•  [stabs him]

Yeah.  We all like that part.  It doesn’t make it any less courageous or less laudable because it was Éowyn who tried to preserve her uncle’s life instead of some man who was less pathetic-looking as a warrior in the eyes of the enemy.

Women who follow Christ will follow Him wherever He goes.  Even into places where women aren’t particularly welcome.  They do battle against the enemy (the devil) because they love the Father and they love Jesus.  Ironically, in all three persons of Triune perfection, God has fewer difficulties with women following the Great Commission as leaders and teachers than some of Jesus’ male followers historically have.  Jesus had no problem with women serving Him in varying ways, even in ways frowned on by His disciples.

It’s because Jesus alone is the Son of God.  And being God, Jesus is the only Man who had the mind of God even while He was male in His humanity.

The mind of God is what Drs. Piper and Grudem do not have.  By reading the Word and importantly having the Holy Spirit’s presence, they can have the mind of Christ for their lives, but they cannot know what God’s plan is for me or any other woman.  I hardly know myself since I don’t have the mind of God either.  It requires constant checking with the Holy Spirit and lots of Bible reading and prayer to even have the mind of Christ.

Yes, all our actions must be held to the standard of Scripture and in areas where things are open to interpretation, it’s best to leave that interpretation to God.  Of course men can teach what the Bible’s words are and even try to interpret based upon precedent and context.  But those are poor substitutes for the full mind of God, especially where someone else is concerned.  And just as no man can tell me what God is saying to me through His Holy Spirit, I’m in no place to tell them what God is saying to them.  Each of us must run our own race.  Each of us will be held accountable by God for the Truth and what we did with it.

Research: Research the connection between the Word, spiritual discernment, obedience, and love.

• Deuteronomy 13:4
• Matthew 7:18-27
• John 14:15-26
• John 21:17-23
• 1 Corinthians 2:3-16

Reflect:

• What is the difference between knowing the thoughts of God and having the mind of Christ?
• Is anyone able to discern another person’s calling?
• How does the Holy Spirit instruct the believer?  Does it differ male to female?
• What personality traits and human behaviors might cause any individual to claim to know how the Bible applies specifically to another person because she is female?
• What kind of personality traits and human behaviors cause people to steadfastly claim they are right about someone else’s calling and to chronically deny any possibility of being mistaken?
• To what degree have men and women been influenced by cultural factors such as feminism?
• How does the Church remain pure in the face of cultural influences?
• Will a woman’s disobedience to God be any less offensive to Him because any regular male (Christian or otherwise) told and taught a woman not to do it?

Respond: 

• If you’re a man reading this, pray about where the line exists between spiritual judgments and their application to others, between the words of Scripture and their interpretation, and between obedience, civil disobedience, and sin.  Ask God to reveal His view of the Church and Kingdom growth and how men and women interact as children of the same family of God.
• If you’re a woman reading this, pray about whether your view is based upon the Spirit of God, all His wisdom, and careful instruction in the Word of God… or whether your desires flow–even a bit–out of a feminist’s cheerleading of women and women’s causes.
• Pray to know God’s calling for your life.  Read the Bible and pray without ceasing.  Confess any sins and prejudices, any greed or jealousy, any ungodly desires for power or audience, any ways in which you seek the approval of humans, and any things you do in order to avoid conflict even though it sacrifices the Church’s purity, power, and growth.

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

This might seem like a no-brainer, but Christian men can still be real men without marriage.  They also can be true Christians.  In fact, in some areas of Christianity, one is considered a better Christian man if one is a celibate single man.  Like the Pope or priests.

If a man can be complete and Christian without some woman as his wife, why cannot a single woman be complete and Christian, too?

Nuns aren’t nuns because they couldn’t get a man, as if there’s a pun waiting to happen on the word none.  Nuns aren’t nuns so they can run away from their problems like Fraulein Maria in The Sound of Music.  Nuns become nuns because they adore Christ.  He is their perfect man, so to speak.

So the first of the Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood is: A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.

OK, where’s that in the Bible, you might ask?

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Women bear the image of God.  At Creation, Eve bore it perfectly because that’s how God made her.  She was a complete woman, even before consummation of a marriage with Adam because she, like he, was created perfect.  Yes, they were perfect for each other, but more than that, they were perfect, period.  Sure, sin marred that image and it was no longer perfect, but in Christ we are forgiven and healed.

In Christ, women bear God’s image in a complete sense (fullness) awaiting final perfection (in heaven).

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ…2:6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. 9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

Christian women, living by faith in Christ, have been given fullness (i.e. completion) in Him. 

Are single women apart from Christ complete? 

I’d argue “No.”  Just as single men apart from Christ fail the completion test of being forgiven.  Without faith, not one of us is complete and none of the unforgiven are being made perfect.

Furthermore, I’d posit that one of the reasons why single women of the world have been troubled throughout the ages is that culture has made them to feel inferior.  This is not God’s doing.

Women who remained unmarried were historically dependent upon others financially whether on the graces of their parents or sent out to fend for themselves as the chronic poor, as beggars or prostitutes, or as those dependent upon the Church (which became a refuge for widows and orphans).  Dependence is humbling and implies a degree of being incomplete, imperfect, and wanting.  By definition, one who is dependent is not in control of one’s own destiny.

Men who had property ownership rights and inheritance privileges were in a position to feel independent, whereas in much of the Ancient Near East and in Western countries, women could not even earn their own livelihood in socially acceptable ways.  All of this is a bit of an illusion since we are all dependent upon God, in reality, and we are not “like God” with total independence and open eyes like the serpent said.

Genesis 3:4 “You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Independence from God is the source of many of our problems.

Therefore the urge to marry was biological in one sense and yet it became a socially acceptable alternative to being complete in Christ.  If a husband could provide, why depend on God?  Women looked to men to satisfy what only Christ can.

Dependence upon a Being one cannot see (God) is harder than dependence upon a being one can monitor (a husband).  And yet completion is not possible…with a man… the way it is from Christ.

Completion cannot be achieved through marriage, only through Christ.

Research:  Take some time to ponder the idea of Christ as the Church’s bridegroom with the idea of completion and perfection (using the Scriptures below).

• Isaiah 54:5
• Jeremiah 31:31-34
• Matthew 9:15
• Matthew 25:1-13
• John 3:27-36
• Revelation 19:6-8
• Revelation 21:9-14

The Apostle Paul writes:  1 Corinthians 7:8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 

Reflect:  If you’re single, ask yourself about desire for a husband and why.  If you’re married, ask yourself about where your trust is grounded, in your husband or in God.  Ask yourselves about whether you believe a Christian woman can be complete even if she is not married.

Respond:  If you’re a single or divorced woman, find your completion in being forgiven by Christ.  Pray and acknowledge your perfectly good desire for human companionship yet your wholehearted devotion to the perfect Man Jesus whether God ever brings an earthly “Mr. Right” into or back into your life.  Trust that God does love you–more than you realize now–and He knows how this all fits in His plan.  Bring your sadness to Him and ask Him to redeem it.  He is faithful.  Ask God for ways you can let your singleness be a powerful ministry tool for reaching others who need to find completion in Christ alone.  Maybe even pray that God will grow a sense of thankfulness in the places where you’re presently saddest.

If you’re a married woman, do a double check about who you’re trusting.  Pray and give thanks for the husband God has given you, whether your marriage feels like it’s rockin’ or on the rocks.  Pray for your husband and if he is presently in the unforgiven category, ask God to use your good behavior to help your helpmate to lay down the burden of total independence and to trust in Him.  It’s hard for men to view themselves apart from their problem-solving nature.  Depending on God is hard for them.  They need your prayers.

If you’re a pastor, revisit your church’s ministries.  Do they provide the kind of teachings that welcome singles, divorced, as well as married people with or without children?  What kind of affirmation can you give to all, teaching that completion in Christ is not restricted to the married with children?  If your ministries are family-focused, pray and ask God for ways you can hold onto the good without creating an environment of sadness for those who are missing that family component.  How might your messages teach that our views of identity need not be shaped so much by the shifting sands of culture as by the solid rock of God’s Word?

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Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.
10. The Lord’s maidservants bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

I may be Seminary Gal, but I should start today’s offering with a bit of a disclaimer: I’m not a women’s pastor or even a person who particularly likes talking about so-called women’s issues.  I don’t do women’s ministry as my primary vocation because I don’t fit the mold.  I’m not fond of pink and I don’t decorate my website with the obligatory blurry sentimental photos with a rose or tulip, cursive print, or the color lavender, which is the new pink now that pink has been coopted by breast cancer with the entire month of October devoted to everything pink for men and women alike.

But this is one of those instances in which God wants me to write something and I really don’t want to do it.  If the signs are everywhere, and frankly they are, I must have something to say that will mean something to someone.  Perhaps a woman.

I’ve been thinking a lot about women’s identities lately because of my personal life.  I’m actually surprised at how little has changed since the 1980s when I found a new identity in motherhood.  I faced complicated decisions that I see other women still facing today.

Along the way from motherhood to the present, I became a Christian and have asked myself a million times over,

As a woman, who am I in Christ?”

The Bible does answer that, in rather succinct terms: beloved child of God.  It answers the question of identity in the strictest sense, but not so much in the manner of purpose or practical living.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve seen women enduring conflicted lives regarding their purpose.  Irrespective of choices made, we live with internal questioning and reevaluation, desires that are incompatible with other desires, choices that require prayer and too often none of those choices are ideal.  Some choices are made for us, against our understanding of what is best, against what we want, or even against what the Bible teaches with today’s culture and yesterday’s traditions at war against the eternal Word.

Even when we make the decisions that we believe are godly, right, and best, we face criticism—spoken and unspoken—from the culture, from other women, from family, and from other arenas that seek to encroach upon that sacred territory of personal freedom, moral imperative, cherished values, and living life for Christ.

It is no surprise that many women plod through their lives with a sense of pensive gloom, a cloud of depression hanging over their heads, or unable to find true joy in the mundane things of life.  Little wonder that Christian women ask themselves what it means to be a Christian woman and many look to women’s ministries for answers to the questions,

What is my identity and where is my purpose?”

There is hope.

Over the next few days, I’m going to share my questioning in the form of Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood:

1. A Christian woman is still a complete woman, even without marriage.
2. No man can teach a woman what is the truth of womanhood, even Christian womanhood.
3. The Bible clearly outlines what womanhood is…and it isn’t always synonymous with motherhood.
4. Once a mother, always a mother.
5. Superwomen don’t exist except in the comics.
6. All women make choices of no return.
7. Biology affirms what the Bible teaches.
8. The Christian woman must learn to artfully balance following Christ while honoring the men in her life.
9. Submission and sacrifice aren’t bad words for women.  They are terms of love.
10. Women are meant to be the Lord’s maidservants and they bring glory to Christ by their obedience.

Perhaps these are not the only ten.  They’re ten that are on my mind and maybe on yours, too.  They’re not in any particular order, but they are how they came to print on a page.  You may disagree with me in these and that’s alright.  I’d even like to hear from you if your viewpoint is something for me to consider.  For those of you who love women’s ministries, keep up the good work, and please find room in your hearts for those of us who really aren’t all that into them because we don’t fit the mold.  Sisters can stick together even if we’re different.

If you’ve ever felt like a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad woman, or a bad Christian because of your womanhood, there is hope.  Enjoy my graphic, complete with pink, and flowers, and cursive, too!– as my olive branch into women’s ministries– as we look at Ten Undeniable Truths of Womanhood.  Maybe pink and lavender aren’t all that bad.  And I like flowers.  Maybe I can do this…