I have a few favorite prayers in the Bible and Solomon’s prayer of dedication of the Temple is one of them.  There’s a lovely thread of repentance, love, and forgiveness woven throughout.  The trust in God permeating this prayer is an unshakable trust in a covenant-keeping God.  As you read through this prayer in 1 Kings 8:22-61, focus on the characteristics of God and how God’s people will overcome, in part by maintaining a clear view of sin and repentance.  Repentance is characterized by a change of heart, mind, attitude, and direction.  This is how we overcome.

For those of us who struggle with saying, “I’m sorry,” for those who have a hard time forgiving, and for those who worry that there is no coming home again after mistakes were made and we were the ones who made them, Jesus tells this amazing story about repentance and forgiveness.

Luke 15:11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. 13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. 17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Repentance is the journey home to forgiveness.  The son made up his mind to say he’s sorry.  More than just a change of mind, he’d also go home with a change of heart.  What he didn’t know is the father was waiting for the son to come home.  Seeing his son at a distance, the father knew the journey home meant there had been a change of mind, a change of heart, a change of attitude, and a change of direction.  The son was coming home to forgiveness that was waiting there for him all along.

What are you waiting for? 

Whether you need to repent or forgive, the journey can begin right now.

Some of you may not have liked this topic of abuse.  Maybe you have thought it doesn’t apply to you and you’d rather not read about it.  Maybe it seems all too familiar and you’d rather forget it.

The same principles apply whether we’ve been abused, we know someone who has, or whether we’ve lived a life in which suffering has beat us down at every turn.

How often do we ask the question “Why Me?”  Or simply “Why?”

Job knew a little bit about suffering.  He had a big target on his back for the accuser.  In fact, God pointed Job out, “Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil” (Job 1:8).  Hard as it may be for us to understand, God was the One who drew the Job-shaped-target for the adversary to ready, aim, fire.  And Satan hit Job’s life with both barrels.  The obvious question is “Why?”

NIV Job 3:1 After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. 2 He said: 3 “May the day of my birth perish, and the night it was said, ‘A boy is born!’ 4 That day– may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it; may no light shine upon it. 5 May darkness and deep shadow claim it once more; may a cloud settle over it; may blackness overwhelm its light. 6 That night– may thick darkness seize it; may it not be included among the days of the year nor be entered in any of the months. 7 May that night be barren; may no shout of joy be heard in it. 8 May those who curse days curse that day, those who are ready to rouse Leviathan. 9 May its morning stars become dark; may it wait for daylight in vain and not see the first rays of dawn, 10 for it did not shut the doors of the womb on me to hide trouble from my eyes. 11 “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb? 12 Why were there knees to receive me and breasts that I might be nursed? 13 For now I would be lying down in peace; I would be asleep and at rest 14 with kings and counselors of the earth, who built for themselves places now lying in ruins, 15 with rulers who had gold, who filled their houses with silver. 16 Or why was I not hidden in the ground like a stillborn child, like an infant who never saw the light of day? 17 There the wicked cease from turmoil, and there the weary are at rest.

Take a look at this passage. 

Do you realize that the “Why?” question was asked three times? 

“May” this, “May” that—Job curses his life more than 12 times.  He wished he’d never even been born. 

Can you relate?

Job is in the Bible, I’m convinced, to help us see how unproductive the “Why?” question is.  If God wanted us to know why, He’d tell us.  Perhaps the “Why” is too big to enter a human mind without breaking it.  Perhaps the “Why” is so convoluted, we could not possibly follow it.  Perhaps the “Why” will be generations in the answering and we won’t be here 100 years from now to see the “Why” answered.

I think Job is also in the Bible to remind us that in a God-centered life, a better question is “What Now?”

Without taking away from the pain the abuse victim feels, or the person who has received a diagnosis of cancer, or the person whose loved one has passed away, etc., “Why?” is not nearly as productive as “What Now?”

• The answer to “Why?” will not make the pain any less painful.
• It will not change the circumstances.
• It will not even improve our mood from depression and despair to rejoicing, as if we’ll suddenly say, “Oh well, God if that’s what You’re doing, I get it!  Great!  I can handle being abused, having cancer, losing all my loved ones, losing my fortune, etc.  Bring it on!  I welcome it!”  No one asks for a second helping of what was awful in the first helping.  Job had one bad thing after another and all the cursing and whys would not change one thing.

“What Now?” is where the change happens.  Where do you turn when life is one tragedy after another?  Do you turn inward and focus on how you feel and how sad you are?  That’s the logical thing to do.  Unfortunately, the inward spiral is a downward spiral.  It leads us to the pit of depression.

The outward spiral is the upward spiral.  When we turn to trusting in God, we are operating in the “What Now?”  We lay the “Why?” question aside, and let it rest in order to take up the “What Now?” with both hands.  Here are some What Now items to consider:

1. Forgiveness.  If you’ve been abused, learn to forgive and press onward.
2. Ask forgiveness.  If you’ve abused someone, it’s time to confess it to God who already knows it, and to the one you abused, who also already knows it.  Yes, you may have to pay a price in the process of fessing up.  Whatever the price is on earth of jail time or restitution or the humbling public acknowledgment of what was a sin, this price is small compared to an eternity.  Your response to Jesus who forgave you is to own up to what you have done.  Eternal life will be enough reward.  Should you fail to ask the ones you’ve harmed to forgive you, it ought to give you pause as to whether you really understand what it means to have asked Jesus to forgive you.  People are made in God’s Image and what you did to them you did to Jesus.  Your conscience will be at rest for having dealt with your crimes honestly.
3. Find an avenue of compassion.  For the one abused, maybe you help others who have been abused.  Maybe you write about your experiences to offer hope and help.  Maybe stronger ones in the faith can go to work in a prison ministry to offer hope to those who have committed crimes to know that forgiveness is possible.  For those who have committed crimes, maybe helping others to avoid making your mistakes, committing your crimes, and then, you can point those in jail (perhaps alongside you) to the Gospel that heals as your avenue of compassion.  Repentance isn’t just saying you’re sorry.  It’s living as if you are, turning from sin to live righteously.
4. Let your devotion to Jesus mark your life in every respect.  Let your grace be evident everywhere.  Let your kindness be your calling card.  Let your love for other people minister hope and compassion, far and wide.  When people see that this is who you are, you can witness to the great healing power of Jesus.  Not every evangelistic tool is a pamphlet.  Sometimes, the greatest witness is a person who has Overcome.
5. Not that this list is exclusive, but we all need to embrace Romans 3:21-24.  Because you see, whether you’ve been abused, you are an abuser, you are a person living his or her daily life trying to be a good person, this applies:   Romans 3:21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

What Now?  The best answer to that one is: Faith. 

Faith puts the “Why?” question on the back burner where you can address that with God at some future point.  Faith is seeing God even in the midst of our suffering.  We can echo the words of Job (which I have personally echoed in place of the “Why?” I put to rest):

Job 42:1 Then Job replied to the LORD: 2 “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. 3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. 4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ 5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. 6 Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”  What Now?

 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

What Now?  Faith. 

For those who have been abused, for their abusers, and indeed for all of us with sins small and great, we have this hope: Jesus Paid it All.

He paid for all the sins so repentant sinners can be free to receive His forgiveness.  His forgiveness makes it possible for us to be forgiving of those who harmed us.  It’s certainly not an easy or instantaneous action for us to have regarding those who have hurt us.

I wrote an in-depth article on Forgiveness a while back.  It might be worth a read if you’re struggling with the idea of forgiving those who hurt you.  After the summary page, there are two additional pages of deeper thoughts about the importance of forgiveness.

Knowing that Jesus paid it all, we can rest in Him, trusting in His justice and love.  For the abuse victim, there is forgiveness for sins we have committed and vindication (including payment for the wrongs committed against us) at which point justice is finally done.

For abusers, there is forgiveness extended, too.  Repenting of your sins, you will find that Jesus can make even the worst sinner whole.  Jesus made it certain that justice was done here, too.  Because He paid it all.

The hymn Jesus Paid it All expresses this situation well.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Refrain:   Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim,
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

Refrain

And now complete in Him
My robe His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Refrain

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

Refrain

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

Refrain

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Refrain

Why Didn’t God Stop the Abuser?

Among the million questions that come to mind for abuse victims, this is probably one of the foremost questions. 

When I get to heaven, I have a whole file of things that are unanswered questions…hard questions…things that were too big and too heavy to ever wrap my mind around.

Why does God allow evil at all?

I wonder sometimes: Maybe if I just keep nibbling at the edges of the truth, eventually, will I get to the core of it?  Here are a few of my nibbles:

• Suffering happens in this world, but it’s not because God designed it that way.  Everything God designed was five times good and very good.  In fact, it was perfect.
• Somehow for God to be Love and to be Just, He chose to make beings (humans and angels) who reason things out and have the ability to choose love and justice.  His perfection and His freedom to do as He wills means that this was God’s best and perfect choice to bring glory to Himself.
• Spiritual beings like angels chose too. For the choice to be real must mean there existed an alternative to be potentially selected as well.  Hence, evil existed as the anti-good.   The angels who chose to follow evil didn’t get an opportunity to repent.  No second chances for fallen angels.
• The Fall of Man brought about a whole host of evils for mankind—they are indeed Legion.
• Consequences wouldn’t be consequences if God preserved us from them all.  He’d be like one of those ineffective parents who promise consequences and never follow through.  God must allow the consequences for Him to be holy.
• The purpose of consequences isn’t to hurt or harm, it’s to help us learn to love, to do what is right, and to desire mercy and justice.
• People get hurt when people sin.  We hurt ourselves by our own sins.  We hurt others when we sin against God and neighbor.  God doesn’t like sin.  In fact, He hates it.
• When innocents are harmed, when the vulnerable are oppressed or injured, when loveless people intentionally inflict pain and suffering upon others, God is grieved.
• God is so grieved, in fact, that He did something about it.
• He sent Jesus.
• Jesus paid for our sins—those of little white lies and great big abusers.  All sins were heaped upon Jesus.  He received the punishment for the abuser.  He received the punishment for the liar.  He received the punishment for the con-artist.  He received the punishment for __(fill in the blank with any sin)__.  He paid it all.  Jesus paid it all.

I will continue my nibbling around the edges because the question of “Why me?” still remains unanswered.   And that is the question that is so very personal. 

I wish I had an answer for you.  I wish I had an answer for myself for all the difficulties God has seen me through.  “Jesus Paid it All” brings relief for the sins I commit and future judgment brings vindication for all the times I suffered unjustly.  But in the present day, all I can do is trust that God will walk with me, He never left me, the insults that were done against you and me are ones Jesus bore, too, and then we hold tight to that faith until the day God answers the hard questions showing how He was both loving and just all along–even in the darkest days we faced.

It is worth noting that many of the expressions of life after abuse revolve around self-image.  The abuse victim looks inward, seeing something far from the beautiful being God created.  It’s not that the beautiful being isn’t there, it’s that one’s perception of self has changed.  People question their own:

Value

Worth

Beauty

Definition of love

Intellect

Usefulness

Purpose

Power

All of these point to how abuse strips people of their identity…as children of God, made in His image.  Here is where the Gospel offers healing:

• Your value isn’t determined by what you were to others—it is determined by the price God paid to call you His beloved, now and forevermore.  (1 Peter 1:18-19)
• Your worth isn’t determined by what others think of you—it is determined by the importance God places upon your Image bearing.  He sees the important things hidden from view.  (Matthew 6:5-6)
• Your beauty is not determined by what you see in the mirror—it is determined by the inner man or woman that you are in your soul.  (1 Peter 3:3-4)
• Your definition of love isn’t determined by how people love you, sexual intimacy, or words—Love is defined by the God who IS love.  (1 John 4:7-21)
• Your intellect could neither prevent your being abused nor predispose you to that situation.  It is not a reflection on your wisdom.  Your intellect is a tool in God’s hands to help you to heal.  (1 Cor 1:20-31)
• Your usefulness in life was not tossed away by your being abused.  Your usefulness in life has been redirected to other more compassionate causes and in God’s hands, you will be fruitful beyond your imagining. (2 Cor 1:3-7)
• Your purpose in life was not to be an abuse victim.  Your purpose in life is to be an Overcomer, putting abuse in its place as a formative event to be conquered and to use the lessons learned to help others in addition to yourself. (John 15:2)
• Your power was not taken from you.  Your power needs to be recovered from the hidden recesses of your soul, protected and shielded by God’s hand…in that place where abusers could not touch the power of God in a Christ-follower (1 Peter 1:3-5). 

Abuse cannot take away anything that the Gospel cannot restore.  That’s because when you believe upon Jesus Christ, you become a new creation.  Not just the old broken one, patched up with some Krazy Glue.  A brand new being, full of the identity Christ gives you.  The type of identity that reflects God’s image.

Believe in Jesus Christ.

He is the key to finding your identity, even after abuse.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Look at yourself.  See yourself how God sees you.  Yes, you may feel weak and fragile on the outside. 

The treasure is on the inside. 

The treasure inside every believer is the priceless beauty of the light of Christ.  That is what God sees.

Anything you have power to do, you can because God is powerful in your life.  You are a cherished possession and someone God desires to bless.  Look to God with gratitude for the power He extends on your behalf.  Rejoice in your place as a beloved child of the Most High God.  Rejoice in the knowledge that Jesus died to save His Image shown beautifully in the heart of every repentant sinner.

It is the work of God that makes you a treasure.

Abuse changes a person.  That is one of the most difficult aspects.  There is a past hurt that cannot be explained rationally or excused away. It leaves behind someone who has been victimized by irrationally sinful and perverse acts.

There is a present change that exhibits itself in the way the victim views oneself and sees relationships in general.  There is a future ahead, but breaking out of past hurts and present perceptions is not an easy task.

When someone has been a victim of abuse, it affects the view one has of oneself. The person may become self-critical, self-doubting, insecure, fearful, isolated, and develop depression, emotional problems, physical illness, drug, alcohol or emotional dependency, be consumed with a feeling of powerlessness, and perhaps withdraw from real life into a virtual reality of the Internet in order to feel like one has a relationship that is safe.

The Gospel can counter all of that.  The forgiveness present in the Gospel of Jesus Christ acts as a healing agent.  Today, let’s look at the inward characteristics of the individual and tomorrow we will look at outward symptoms.

Where self-criticism ruled, one can be set free from a need for assigning or accepting blame.  John 8:30 Even as he spoke, many put their faith in him. 31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Where one doubts self, the Gospel says to trust Jesus who is faithful and loving.  John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

Where insecurity gnaws away at one’s confidence, the Gospel reminds us that we are eternally secure in Jesus Christ.  Our confidence is in Him.  John 10:28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.

To the person who is afraid, the Gospel says not to fear anything in this world. Matthew 10:29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

To the person who feels isolated and alone, the Gospel gives us a new community.  Ephesians 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15 by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, 16 and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17 He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. 19 Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.

Today my prayer for you is that you will embrace the Gospel that heals.  May tomorrow’s joy be found in His pure light so that you will know the fullness of freedom, confidence, community, and faith.

Malachi 4:2 But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings.

In one of the early weeks of our Overcomer’s series, we mentioned that some things we never truly get over, but we do get through them.  This is one of those instances.

I’ve been trying to write this posting for over a week now.  I struggle knowing that I am ill-equipped to minister by experience in this topic; and greatly desiring to offer hope, I know that the Gospel can bring those plagued by histories of abuse through the painful journey from victim to victorious.

In my years on AllExperts, I’ve fielded dozens of questions from those abused by boyfriends, family members, church officials, co-workers, and strangers.  I’ve dealt with questions arising from a variety of kinds of abuse: domestic/workplace, emotional, physical, sexual, and verbal.

I’ve also answered questions from abusers who are wondering if there is any hope for them in the Gospel.  Some are writing between indictment and conviction.  Some are writing from death beds.  Some send questions from across the globe from where they initially victimized and left their victims.  Some have been right next door to the one they abused.

Each and every one of these questions has been painful to answer.  The very human part of me that recognizes the deep and scarring trauma that abuse inflicts wants to tell the abusers that there is no hope for them.  They’ll burn in hell and they deserve it.  That’s my flesh that feels outrage.

But the truth is: If the Gospel is not powerful enough to save abusers from hell and from living desperate and sinful lives of repeat offenses, the Gospel isn’t the Gospel. 

Jesus’ blood, in order to save any of us sinners, must be sufficient to save all who come to Him in repentance because His Word does not draw a line saying “These sinners are clean enough to go to heaven now, and these over here are beyond My ability to make clean.”

Abuse victims can find hope in the Gospel.  And so can abusers.

Perhaps some of you are reading this and thinking you’re all alone.  You think you’ve been abused, but you just keep telling yourself that you must have done something wrong, or that you deserved it.

No one deserves to be abused. 

No child.  No adult. 

No man.  No woman.  No boy.  No girl.

Abuse is not God’s design for relationships.  It’s the exact opposite of the love meant to characterize human interactions.

For a very good secular resource on abuse and help for the abused, please click here to find the Non-Profit Help Guide.  It’s quite thorough and very helpful.

I’d encourage you, if you believe you have been abused, to read through the questions and the warning signs. 

If you are under the age of 18, specific laws apply in many states for you to have special protections.  Tell a pastor, counselor, or your physician.  Mandatory reporting is there for your protection.

Over the next few days, I’d like to talk about how the Gospel can minister in the lives of abuse victims and their abusers.  Because the topic is weighty and so very sobering, I will probably intersperse days with Scripture photos for meditation in lieu of more writings for the healing of one who is Overcoming these things.