What’s not to Love about Halloween?

Quite a bit actually.  Any love affair I ever had with Halloween was short-lived.  There’s nothing like having your husband out on business with your only car, a bazillion youths (not small children) showing up at your door with pillow cases and no costumes, having run out of candy you purchased (naively thinking it would last you 3 Halloweens and then some), then giving out–as a last resort–the candy your own children had received earlier that evening with promises of repayment the following day, having nothing left after that and no way of leaving the house with no transportation, closing the door, turning off the light and having angry teens pounding on your door shouting, “We know you’re in there!” while your children sat wide-eyed.  Then, there’s the joy of waking up in the middle of the night to a couple of gunshots down the street as a high school girl was murdered with her jilted boyfriend committing suicide on the lawn a half-dozen doors away, and then coming down in the morning to human feces smeared all over the screen door of your nice suburban home.  Happy Halloween.

It’s taken me years to move beyond that. 

Perhaps you won’t judge me too harshly for thinking

that there is very little redemptive going on at Halloween.

Let’s see:

• We teach kids to enjoy what is dark and scary instead of what is good and beautiful.
• We promote death and murder and blood and violence over being creative, cute, and clever (not cleaver–that belongs in the former clause).
• We encourage greed by letting older children grab handfuls of candy out of fear of retaliation meaning that any little kids dressed up as fairies or football players won’t find any left if their parents haven’t taken them out before dark. 
• We encourage extortion by the very phrase “Trick or Treat!” and as my screen door can testify, there are consequences for non-compliance with Halloween protocol.
• We cannot even put a paper bag over our neighbor’s homes so our own kids don’t have the crap scared out of them with zombies hanging by ropes in neighbors’ trees or decapitated corpses laying in their yards.  What ever happened to decorating with mums, corn shocks, and an artistic display of pumpkins?
• We teach kids to laugh at death and to minimize the grim reality, but as the high school girl’s family can tell you, it’s not funny at all.  Not one bit.  I would imagine that the boy’s family doesn’t like Halloween’s ugly reminder either.
• We teach kids to pretend they’re someone that they’re not and to wear masks.  Pretending can be fun and imaginative, but being a fake is not a good life lesson, is it?

So how do we make Halloween redemptive? 

I’ve struggled with this over the years and have decided to encourage what is good. 

I will be the change I’d like to see in others on this awkward holiday. 

• Unlike the woman who is handing out notes about childhood obesity, those who hand out tracts, or following the lead of the Duck Tape commercials and giving tape to kids, I will give out candy that I’d like for my kids to have received.
• I will come out of the door and greet the kids on my porch at eye-level and be a winsome witness for Jesus to the kids’ parents as well.
• I will play Christian music on my stereo that will be loud enough to be good background music.
• I will set apart my home by not putting any gruesome or death-related decorations in my yard.
• I will let it be known I’m a Christ-follower by saying “God bless you!” or “Jesus loves you!”
• I will make the most of the opportunity to be known as a Christian and in doing so, overcome the distasteful aspects of Halloween.

Ephesians 5:15 Be very careful, then, how you live– not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

I remember when I was a kid, I was watching the movie that came on after Garfield Goose.  It was a B movie called “Teenagers from Outer Space.” (OK, I didn’t know the name of it before the miracle of the Internet but it’s considered a prime example of a low budget 1950s sci-fi movie.)  I couldn’t have told you the name of it, but I could tell you that it gave me nightmares for years.  Aliens with death ray guns come to earth and shoot people whose flesh is zapped away and they immediately turn into plastic skeletons.  (No one said they were plastic and as a child, I was convinced they were real, especially the one at the bottom of the pool.  So convinced, that every night before bed, well into my teens, I’d double-check the closet and under the bed.  I developed an irrational fear of skeletons, fearing they might actually come back to life, even though in the movie, they were as dead as dead can be).

Why am I telling you this?

Well, tonight on our walk, my husband and I were looking at gruesome Halloween décor at home after home, and appalled, I asked him,

Do kids even get nightmares anymore?”

What an innocent time I lived in.  My kids too.  Their nightmares were about stuffed animals (presumed evil ones that would be banished from the room to the hallway) and the rat from Lady and the Tramp who was, for the record, never roaming about our home.

Don’t you find it interesting: Today’s kids go Trick-or-Treating in hand-selected, store-bought zombie costumes with blood and gore, accompanied by their parents who are afraid of what real life monsters might live as child predators in nearby homes with desirable candy?  Yet, when I was a kid, we dressed up like black cats and donned homemade ghost costumes made out of sheets.  We ran positively wild on Halloween, Trick-or-Treating parent-free until curfew.  Packs of kids supervising kids and our safety wasn’t a concern beyond double-checking our candy when we got home.

Not so today.  We let our children parade in death costumes, decorate our houses with death, we believe our safety is constant jeopardy, our children’s lives hang in reality’s balance, the evil we fear the most is the real evil of other people’s schemes, and all the while we pass off as entertainment, festivity, and fun what is actually rather morbid.

We have made death a caricature–both horrifying and humorous.

What message is this we are sending to the next generation?  How do we overcome today’s culture of death?  It’s everywhere from the nightly news to video games to abortion clinics to movies to our neighborhoods.  As parents, the best we can do is to teach our children the truth about death.

• Death is bound to happen to all of us (barring special cases like Enoch and Elijah or unless Jesus returns during our lifetimes).
• Death spells the end of Gospel opportunities for ones who rejected Jesus in the days of their lives.  It’s not funny or a little trick.  It’s not a nightmare you wake up from and realize the skeleton is plastic.  It’s not even temporary like tainted candy or an evil mind lurking behind a front door.
• Death–the undeniable, lasting, and pervasive consequence of the Fall–ends everything for the person who doesn’t know Jesus.  Herein lies the very real danger that our culture of death minimizes.  We get lulled by seeing death everywhere to believing it’s no big deal.  But death is not just a big deal, it’s the biggest deal.  It’s the last event, marked on many an earthly tombstone with solemn finality.  The dash of life from cradle to grave is over and all that’s left is the grave for the person rejecting God’s offer of forgiveness.
• Death, however, also signals the beginning of life after death for the person who acknowledges Christ’s atoning sacrifice for sin and has received His forgiveness.
• Death is the holding tank for unforgiven souls as they await final judgment.

Hebrews 9:27 Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, 28 so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

As Halloween draws near, let’s do our part as parents, grandparents, neighbors, and friends to avoid minimizing or celebrating death and instead to make sure that we use these opportunities to teach the many blessings of the Christian life, including an eternal life.

This Gospel is Good News indeed: Jesus is risen from the grave–not as a zombie, but as our Risen Savior who conquered death, and every follower of His (throughout human history) shares in the dream of eternal life being our reality.

I have a few favorite prayers in the Bible and Solomon’s prayer of dedication of the Temple is one of them.  There’s a lovely thread of repentance, love, and forgiveness woven throughout.  The trust in God permeating this prayer is an unshakable trust in a covenant-keeping God.  As you read through this prayer in 1 Kings 8:22-61, focus on the characteristics of God and how God’s people will overcome, in part by maintaining a clear view of sin and repentance.  Repentance is characterized by a change of heart, mind, attitude, and direction.  This is how we overcome.

For those of us who struggle with saying, “I’m sorry,” for those who have a hard time forgiving, and for those who worry that there is no coming home again after mistakes were made and we were the ones who made them, Jesus tells this amazing story about repentance and forgiveness.

Luke 15:11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. 13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. 17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Repentance is the journey home to forgiveness.  The son made up his mind to say he’s sorry.  More than just a change of mind, he’d also go home with a change of heart.  What he didn’t know is the father was waiting for the son to come home.  Seeing his son at a distance, the father knew the journey home meant there had been a change of mind, a change of heart, a change of attitude, and a change of direction.  The son was coming home to forgiveness that was waiting there for him all along.

What are you waiting for? 

Whether you need to repent or forgive, the journey can begin right now.

Some of you may not have liked this topic of abuse.  Maybe you have thought it doesn’t apply to you and you’d rather not read about it.  Maybe it seems all too familiar and you’d rather forget it.

The same principles apply whether we’ve been abused, we know someone who has, or whether we’ve lived a life in which suffering has beat us down at every turn.

How often do we ask the question “Why Me?”  Or simply “Why?”

Job knew a little bit about suffering.  He had a big target on his back for the accuser.  In fact, God pointed Job out, “Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil” (Job 1:8).  Hard as it may be for us to understand, God was the One who drew the Job-shaped-target for the adversary to ready, aim, fire.  And Satan hit Job’s life with both barrels.  The obvious question is “Why?”

NIV Job 3:1 After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. 2 He said: 3 “May the day of my birth perish, and the night it was said, ‘A boy is born!’ 4 That day– may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it; may no light shine upon it. 5 May darkness and deep shadow claim it once more; may a cloud settle over it; may blackness overwhelm its light. 6 That night– may thick darkness seize it; may it not be included among the days of the year nor be entered in any of the months. 7 May that night be barren; may no shout of joy be heard in it. 8 May those who curse days curse that day, those who are ready to rouse Leviathan. 9 May its morning stars become dark; may it wait for daylight in vain and not see the first rays of dawn, 10 for it did not shut the doors of the womb on me to hide trouble from my eyes. 11 “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb? 12 Why were there knees to receive me and breasts that I might be nursed? 13 For now I would be lying down in peace; I would be asleep and at rest 14 with kings and counselors of the earth, who built for themselves places now lying in ruins, 15 with rulers who had gold, who filled their houses with silver. 16 Or why was I not hidden in the ground like a stillborn child, like an infant who never saw the light of day? 17 There the wicked cease from turmoil, and there the weary are at rest.

Take a look at this passage. 

Do you realize that the “Why?” question was asked three times? 

“May” this, “May” that—Job curses his life more than 12 times.  He wished he’d never even been born. 

Can you relate?

Job is in the Bible, I’m convinced, to help us see how unproductive the “Why?” question is.  If God wanted us to know why, He’d tell us.  Perhaps the “Why” is too big to enter a human mind without breaking it.  Perhaps the “Why” is so convoluted, we could not possibly follow it.  Perhaps the “Why” will be generations in the answering and we won’t be here 100 years from now to see the “Why” answered.

I think Job is also in the Bible to remind us that in a God-centered life, a better question is “What Now?”

Without taking away from the pain the abuse victim feels, or the person who has received a diagnosis of cancer, or the person whose loved one has passed away, etc., “Why?” is not nearly as productive as “What Now?”

• The answer to “Why?” will not make the pain any less painful.
• It will not change the circumstances.
• It will not even improve our mood from depression and despair to rejoicing, as if we’ll suddenly say, “Oh well, God if that’s what You’re doing, I get it!  Great!  I can handle being abused, having cancer, losing all my loved ones, losing my fortune, etc.  Bring it on!  I welcome it!”  No one asks for a second helping of what was awful in the first helping.  Job had one bad thing after another and all the cursing and whys would not change one thing.

“What Now?” is where the change happens.  Where do you turn when life is one tragedy after another?  Do you turn inward and focus on how you feel and how sad you are?  That’s the logical thing to do.  Unfortunately, the inward spiral is a downward spiral.  It leads us to the pit of depression.

The outward spiral is the upward spiral.  When we turn to trusting in God, we are operating in the “What Now?”  We lay the “Why?” question aside, and let it rest in order to take up the “What Now?” with both hands.  Here are some What Now items to consider:

1. Forgiveness.  If you’ve been abused, learn to forgive and press onward.
2. Ask forgiveness.  If you’ve abused someone, it’s time to confess it to God who already knows it, and to the one you abused, who also already knows it.  Yes, you may have to pay a price in the process of fessing up.  Whatever the price is on earth of jail time or restitution or the humbling public acknowledgment of what was a sin, this price is small compared to an eternity.  Your response to Jesus who forgave you is to own up to what you have done.  Eternal life will be enough reward.  Should you fail to ask the ones you’ve harmed to forgive you, it ought to give you pause as to whether you really understand what it means to have asked Jesus to forgive you.  People are made in God’s Image and what you did to them you did to Jesus.  Your conscience will be at rest for having dealt with your crimes honestly.
3. Find an avenue of compassion.  For the one abused, maybe you help others who have been abused.  Maybe you write about your experiences to offer hope and help.  Maybe stronger ones in the faith can go to work in a prison ministry to offer hope to those who have committed crimes to know that forgiveness is possible.  For those who have committed crimes, maybe helping others to avoid making your mistakes, committing your crimes, and then, you can point those in jail (perhaps alongside you) to the Gospel that heals as your avenue of compassion.  Repentance isn’t just saying you’re sorry.  It’s living as if you are, turning from sin to live righteously.
4. Let your devotion to Jesus mark your life in every respect.  Let your grace be evident everywhere.  Let your kindness be your calling card.  Let your love for other people minister hope and compassion, far and wide.  When people see that this is who you are, you can witness to the great healing power of Jesus.  Not every evangelistic tool is a pamphlet.  Sometimes, the greatest witness is a person who has Overcome.
5. Not that this list is exclusive, but we all need to embrace Romans 3:21-24.  Because you see, whether you’ve been abused, you are an abuser, you are a person living his or her daily life trying to be a good person, this applies:   Romans 3:21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

What Now?  The best answer to that one is: Faith. 

Faith puts the “Why?” question on the back burner where you can address that with God at some future point.  Faith is seeing God even in the midst of our suffering.  We can echo the words of Job (which I have personally echoed in place of the “Why?” I put to rest):

Job 42:1 Then Job replied to the LORD: 2 “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. 3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. 4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ 5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. 6 Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”  What Now?

 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

What Now?  Faith. 

For those who have been abused, for their abusers, and indeed for all of us with sins small and great, we have this hope: Jesus Paid it All.

He paid for all the sins so repentant sinners can be free to receive His forgiveness.  His forgiveness makes it possible for us to be forgiving of those who harmed us.  It’s certainly not an easy or instantaneous action for us to have regarding those who have hurt us.

I wrote an in-depth article on Forgiveness a while back.  It might be worth a read if you’re struggling with the idea of forgiving those who hurt you.  After the summary page, there are two additional pages of deeper thoughts about the importance of forgiveness.

Knowing that Jesus paid it all, we can rest in Him, trusting in His justice and love.  For the abuse victim, there is forgiveness for sins we have committed and vindication (including payment for the wrongs committed against us) at which point justice is finally done.

For abusers, there is forgiveness extended, too.  Repenting of your sins, you will find that Jesus can make even the worst sinner whole.  Jesus made it certain that justice was done here, too.  Because He paid it all.

The hymn Jesus Paid it All expresses this situation well.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Refrain:   Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim,
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

Refrain

And now complete in Him
My robe His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Refrain

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

Refrain

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

Refrain

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Refrain

Why Didn’t God Stop the Abuser?

Among the million questions that come to mind for abuse victims, this is probably one of the foremost questions. 

When I get to heaven, I have a whole file of things that are unanswered questions…hard questions…things that were too big and too heavy to ever wrap my mind around.

Why does God allow evil at all?

I wonder sometimes: Maybe if I just keep nibbling at the edges of the truth, eventually, will I get to the core of it?  Here are a few of my nibbles:

• Suffering happens in this world, but it’s not because God designed it that way.  Everything God designed was five times good and very good.  In fact, it was perfect.
• Somehow for God to be Love and to be Just, He chose to make beings (humans and angels) who reason things out and have the ability to choose love and justice.  His perfection and His freedom to do as He wills means that this was God’s best and perfect choice to bring glory to Himself.
• Spiritual beings like angels chose too. For the choice to be real must mean there existed an alternative to be potentially selected as well.  Hence, evil existed as the anti-good.   The angels who chose to follow evil didn’t get an opportunity to repent.  No second chances for fallen angels.
• The Fall of Man brought about a whole host of evils for mankind—they are indeed Legion.
• Consequences wouldn’t be consequences if God preserved us from them all.  He’d be like one of those ineffective parents who promise consequences and never follow through.  God must allow the consequences for Him to be holy.
• The purpose of consequences isn’t to hurt or harm, it’s to help us learn to love, to do what is right, and to desire mercy and justice.
• People get hurt when people sin.  We hurt ourselves by our own sins.  We hurt others when we sin against God and neighbor.  God doesn’t like sin.  In fact, He hates it.
• When innocents are harmed, when the vulnerable are oppressed or injured, when loveless people intentionally inflict pain and suffering upon others, God is grieved.
• God is so grieved, in fact, that He did something about it.
• He sent Jesus.
• Jesus paid for our sins—those of little white lies and great big abusers.  All sins were heaped upon Jesus.  He received the punishment for the abuser.  He received the punishment for the liar.  He received the punishment for the con-artist.  He received the punishment for __(fill in the blank with any sin)__.  He paid it all.  Jesus paid it all.

I will continue my nibbling around the edges because the question of “Why me?” still remains unanswered.   And that is the question that is so very personal. 

I wish I had an answer for you.  I wish I had an answer for myself for all the difficulties God has seen me through.  “Jesus Paid it All” brings relief for the sins I commit and future judgment brings vindication for all the times I suffered unjustly.  But in the present day, all I can do is trust that God will walk with me, He never left me, the insults that were done against you and me are ones Jesus bore, too, and then we hold tight to that faith until the day God answers the hard questions showing how He was both loving and just all along–even in the darkest days we faced.

It is worth noting that many of the expressions of life after abuse revolve around self-image.  The abuse victim looks inward, seeing something far from the beautiful being God created.  It’s not that the beautiful being isn’t there, it’s that one’s perception of self has changed.  People question their own:

Value

Worth

Beauty

Definition of love

Intellect

Usefulness

Purpose

Power

All of these point to how abuse strips people of their identity…as children of God, made in His image.  Here is where the Gospel offers healing:

• Your value isn’t determined by what you were to others—it is determined by the price God paid to call you His beloved, now and forevermore.  (1 Peter 1:18-19)
• Your worth isn’t determined by what others think of you—it is determined by the importance God places upon your Image bearing.  He sees the important things hidden from view.  (Matthew 6:5-6)
• Your beauty is not determined by what you see in the mirror—it is determined by the inner man or woman that you are in your soul.  (1 Peter 3:3-4)
• Your definition of love isn’t determined by how people love you, sexual intimacy, or words—Love is defined by the God who IS love.  (1 John 4:7-21)
• Your intellect could neither prevent your being abused nor predispose you to that situation.  It is not a reflection on your wisdom.  Your intellect is a tool in God’s hands to help you to heal.  (1 Cor 1:20-31)
• Your usefulness in life was not tossed away by your being abused.  Your usefulness in life has been redirected to other more compassionate causes and in God’s hands, you will be fruitful beyond your imagining. (2 Cor 1:3-7)
• Your purpose in life was not to be an abuse victim.  Your purpose in life is to be an Overcomer, putting abuse in its place as a formative event to be conquered and to use the lessons learned to help others in addition to yourself. (John 15:2)
• Your power was not taken from you.  Your power needs to be recovered from the hidden recesses of your soul, protected and shielded by God’s hand…in that place where abusers could not touch the power of God in a Christ-follower (1 Peter 1:3-5). 

Abuse cannot take away anything that the Gospel cannot restore.  That’s because when you believe upon Jesus Christ, you become a new creation.  Not just the old broken one, patched up with some Krazy Glue.  A brand new being, full of the identity Christ gives you.  The type of identity that reflects God’s image.

Believe in Jesus Christ.

He is the key to finding your identity, even after abuse.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)